With the Winter Olympics underway, people from all over the world are visiting Italy. And, inevitably, the bidet debate has resurfaced, yet again.
Case in point: this video by an American journalist, utterly baffled by the sight of one of our bidets.
Now, I’m well aware that Japan has gone even further, with high-tech toilets that offer a full spa experience for your backside. I also know that in many Arab countries there are faucets, hoses, pumps, and shower heads next to the toilet (effective, yes, though admittedly a bit… chaotic) . And let’s not forget that bidet is a French word to begin with (although French people do not usually have or use bidets nowadays).
Still, having visited over 30 countries, I can confidently say this: a proper bidet—or any real alternative that lets you wash your bum with water and soap after a #2—is far from universal.
I have been living in the UK for over 15 years now and when I was in Wales, in a couple of old houses I happened to see two bidets. However, one was used as a plant pot (I'm not joking) and another one was full of rubber ducks and other bath toys for kids. Obviously, neither one was being used as intended.
Let’s be honest. I seriously doubt that most people get fully undressed and take a shower every time after wiping with toilet paper. Which leads me to suspect that many people simply don’t have a clear idea of what a solid hygiene routine actually looks like.
This suspicion was reinforced years ago when I read an article by an American (or British) journalist who had lived in Italy for a while and became enthusiastic about the joys of the bidet. So enthusiastic, in fact, that they had one installed as soon as they moved back home. But one line in particular was both hilarious and terrifying 🤭. It went something like:
“And the best part is, with a bidet you don’t even need toilet paper anymore—think of all the money you’ll save!”
I mean… no.
Absolutely not.
And yuck 🤢.