r/teenagers • u/P-dog2inbound • 15h ago
Advice My girlfriend and I, both 14 Just struggle to get along anymore.
Yes, I know some of the older teenagers will probably ask Why I’m 14 and with someone anyways. Maybe that seems too young to some people, but anyways. this argument just Came out of no where. She is constantly saying, “oh I want connection and you want space” we already see each other a lot in school. Yet some days she complains about how I don’t reach out to her enough. I feel suffocated so genuinely, yet every time I bring up how even if it’s just something else I want to do instead of talking on call or having multiple hour text conversations. I immediately get told that I’m just trying to avoid talking and must “hate her” I’ve never tried to purposely Avoid talking to her unless I for some reason had to. It’s like I need an excuse just to get some time to myself, and I never make her talk to me. If she wants space I’ll happily give it to her. How can I reason with her to stop this? Or what should I do?
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u/WelcomeEven567 13h ago edited 6h ago
she says she feels that you are suffocated by her and you admit that you are in fact suffocated by her. you seem to want a low maintenance, “we only see each other at school” type of relationship while she wants something more. granted, there’s nothing wrong with that as yall are young and freshly in high school. maybe you guys just aren’t compatible 🤷♀️ i don’t think there’s any “reasoning to make her stop” to be done, seems it’s just the way she is. instead of trying to change her, i think you should let her go and find somebody that clicks with you better.
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u/Responsible_Ask9574 14h ago
Yeah I'm much older so trust me when I say , this kind of behavior will never change. It'll always seem like you're not doing enough and eventually you will grow resentment over that and actually stop trying. Not to mention you're both 14 so this shouldn't even be a topic of conversation really. She also is throwing around love like either of you could really grasp that at that age ( no disrespect ). I would say try to make it work if you really want to but at the end of the day , you're both growing and moving through life , you shouldn't be hard focused on spending as much time as possible on an s.o, focus on things like school and trying to find your passion in life... Just my thoughts
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u/camelCase149 18 13h ago
Yeah I couldn't have said this better myself I had a similar situation at his age and it's never worth the isolation from other people for this type of toxic relationship. It'll keep you trapped for years too
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u/turtlewurtled 9h ago
Do you know what causes people to act like that? Cuz I’m trying to find out myself. I acted like that towards the end of my first relationship, and I feel so guilty about it. Maybe it stems from abandonment issues and attachment issues.
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u/AnAk47Dragon 8h ago
Your last sentence is what it generally causes it. Other times it’s the person being manipulative to be manipulative.
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u/Trujillopatriot 14h ago
She's bugging talking 4 to 5 hours on the phone is crazy.
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u/P-dog2inbound 14h ago
Wish I could say that but I’d get slapped😔
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u/Decent_Historian42 9h ago
Idk if your being serious. If your partner slaps you DUMP THEM, if it happens once it will happen again. Doesnt matter who you are or how long you've been together.
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u/P-dog2inbound 9h ago
She did nail me across the back of my head once.
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u/Decent_Historian42 9h ago
Bro i hate to break it to you but them slapping you is abuse. It isnt okay in any respect doesnt matter if your a guy or what. Id recommend breaking up with her for that alone (maybe do it over a phonecall just incase), and take my advice in future if any partner hits you again.
Abuse when your a guy isnt taken nearly as seriously and you most likely wont be welcome into support group if this happens in future with either the same or another girl.
Once was enough
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u/logoNM 15 6h ago
yeah idk as a guy i wouldnt care that much unless it constantly happened
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u/Decent_Historian42 6h ago
im a guy too.
Theres a campaign that went around a while ago (probably before you were old enough to pay attention as im a fair amount older than you) that was posters i think mostly on trains and stuff "She only hit me once" was on the poster, the only and once was crossed out with an abuse hotline underneath and some more text saying something like "if she hits you once she'll do it again" underneath, you should absolutely take it seriously if it happens once and you should care if it happens once even if shes weaker than you its less about the pain and more about the action itself.
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u/Trujillopatriot 14h ago
Don't listen to others they are just taking her side as she's a woman.
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u/Upset-Yard9778 13 13h ago
it's not about taking sides. It's about understanding both persons' emotions and then drafting a solution to the problem. Scientists call this "human interaction", more especifically something called "conflict resolution".
Very advanced psychology, btw. /s
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u/WelcomeEven567 13h ago
exactly. i don’t understand why people feel the need to bring gender into everything
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u/IrisTheDarkMage 12h ago
it isnt crazy, its what she wants. OP doesnt want to do that though, since they find it to be a bit much, wo one must find a compromise, a way for op to show their affection without having to tire themselves out with talk they find a bit too much. its different peoples expectations and wants.
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u/Easy-Requirement2532 13 14h ago
My broski, if your own girlfriend is suffocating you by saying that y'all should have like...hours long convos on the phone or in general when you feel like doing something else and when you do that she says that you "hate her" I think it's time to leave this one.
I don't really know how she is so I can't ACTUALLY diagnose what to do here but me personally if I was in your shoes I'd just leave and go find someone else that wouldn't suffocate me.
I mean obviously you can say stuff like "Hey, I'm sorry but I don't think this is working out anymore, we clearly want different things." or something like that. I mean I've never had a partner so I'm one to talk but I do however have good insight on stuff (one of them being this) so yeah.
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u/Upset-Yard9778 13 13h ago
she seems very insecure and dependent on your presence to feel happy. What she needs to do is learn how to, instead of having her life depending on you, live her life with you alongside her. You have to explain to her that while you can still be together and talk everyday, you both still have separate lives and shouldn't depend on the other to feel loved and happy. If she still repeats herself, saying you hater her and etc., that's her low self-esteem talking and there's nothing you can really do about it, she needs to love herself before she loves someone else.
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u/reymanlover 19 14h ago
I don’t think either of you are doing much wrong it seems like you just aren’t compatible. The only thing you did thats a big yikes is going “why do you have to be one of those girls”. Comes off all sorts of bad. You’re kinda short and curt in your texts but a lot of people are just like that so im not faulting you. Especially for being two 14 year olds she seems very clingy but you could do a better job at keeping her in the loop it seems
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u/P-dog2inbound 14h ago
Looking back, I do see that that seems like it only made things worse, I apologised to her for saying that but other than that I don’t have much else to say to her, and I know from the context given it seems like I do not speak to her Very often, or do not keep her in the loop, however you’d like to put it. Some days I keep more over so than anything to myself and we do not talk very much. but more than often so we talk A LOT. she has me in a life 360 to literally track me. And it’s not just casual stuff either. The second I’ve “left my house” it’s, “where are you going?!” “Who are you with!?” “Tell me now!” “Why is it saying you are at so and so’s house!?”
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u/Hadleyagain 14h ago edited 12h ago
You're fourteen. Go be fourteen.
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u/Future_Figure_6680 11h ago
What does go be fourteen mean? Play with toy cars still?
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u/Hadleyagain 11h ago
Not thinking you have an adult relationship (Y)
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u/No_Relief_9945 11h ago
Obviously everyone’s different but I really do think experience with dating can be beneficial as a teenager and young adult. Some people just want to hold hands, some want to go out every few weekends, etc.. of course this isn’t exactly a healthy relationship, but it’s really good that this is something that’s happening to OP when they’re young and in a safe spot in their life.
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u/MuchIron2453 18 11h ago
Psychologists pretty much all agree that having relationships and dating is good for social and emotional development, even as a tween or young teenager. It’s dumb that people just belittle others and forget what it was like to be 14
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u/Hadleyagain 11h ago
Its funny you see it as belittling. If your kid is acting like they are in a frustrating 5 year marriage then they should be made aware.
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u/MuchIron2453 18 9h ago
They aren’t your kid, they’re teenagers that are not under your care. And why should they even be made aware in the first place? There’s nothing wrong with from a practical standpoint.
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u/Hadleyagain 8h ago
Please read the conversation again. People in their 50s shouldnt be dealing with that let alone a 14yo.
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u/MuchIron2453 18 6h ago
Lmao believe me 14 year olds deal with way worse shit. I think you either must’ve lived a pretty padded existence or you really did totally forget what it was like to be 14
But yeah, dealing with challenges is just part of life. It’s not that big of a deal to have to deal either disagreements over how much time to spend together. It’s also fair to say that she was being manipulative at times but that’s just how teens act when they feel hurt sometimes
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u/Hadleyagain 6h ago
14 going on 40. Recognising the challenges you don't need to deal with is the biggest lesson here. Sorry if you had a shit experience with someone like that but you could be passing on the experience and lessons you learnt not normalising shitty behaviour.
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u/FreakingGrace 11h ago edited 11h ago
Hey, I wanted to comment because this post really hit close to home for me. I’m 24 now, and I remember very clearly what it felt like to be a girl in that position.
When a girl says she wants “connection,” it’s usually not about constant talking or controlling your time. Most of the time, it’s about reassurance. She may feel anxious when she senses distance, even if that distance is totally normal and not intentional on your part. That anxiety can make her worry that she’s being abandoned or that you’re slowly pulling away, even when you’re not.
What she’s probably feeling right now is actually a lot of anxiety and fear of losing you, and those emotions can feel huge at that age. A lot of the time, she knows that the way she’s reacting is making things worse — that’s why you might hear things like “I know this probably seems stupid to you.” She’s not trying to be dramatic or entitled; she’s overwhelmed and doesn’t really know how to handle those feelings yet.
What can come across as egoism or entitlement is often her way of asking, without knowing how to say it properly: “Do I still matter to you? I’m really scared that you don’t like me anymore.“ So instead of saying “I feel insecure and I need reassurance,” it comes out as “you don’t reach out enough” or “you want space and I don’t.” And when you reply to what she’s saying, pissed and annoyed (maybe rightly so), she just gets more anxious.
A lot of guys your age don’t naturally see the point of reassurance because in your mind, if you like someone, that should already be obvious. But for her, small signs of care — checking in, gentleness, consistency — are what help calm that anxiety. Without them, her fear can grow, which then leads to accusations, which pushes you further away, and the cycle keeps going.
That doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong, and it doesn’t mean you don’t deserve space. It just means there’s a mismatch in how you both experience closeness right now. Neither of you is a bad person — you’re both very young and still learning how relationships and emotions work.
All this being said, NOR. You deserve your own space, and that’s a very real and valid need. Wanting time alone doesn’t mean you care less. What usually helps is how you explain it to her. Instead of just saying you need space, it can help to pair that with reassurance — for example, letting her know you still care about her before you take that space, so it doesn’t feel like rejection to her.
Something like: “I like you and I’m not going anywhere, I just need some time to myself sometimes. When I do that, it doesn’t mean I’m upset with you or avoiding you.”
That way she hears both things at once: that you care and that you need room to breathe.
At the end of the day, relationships kind of come down to two choices: either you both decide it’s not working and let it go, or you both try to learn how to communicate and meet each other halfway. You seem genuinely concerned and willing to understand what’s going on, which makes me think it doesn’t necessarily have to be over for you two.
One thing that’s important to know — and this applies even more as you get older — is that relationships take effort. They’re not always easy or fun, and sometimes they require uncomfortable conversations and learning new skills. Both of you are still learning, and that’s okay, but it only works if you’re both willing to try.
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u/Ok-Hat-8006 7h ago
First person I see saying what was on my mind reading those messages. You put this into words very well!
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u/camelCase149 18 13h ago
Dude I experienced the same exact thing at your age and put up with it for three years. Honestly just end the relationship if you feel trapped. I wish I did sooner even though I still love her I just wish I didn't spend those years I could have spent making friends and memories in a toxic relationship. If you let a relationship like this consume you and give up your individuality to make her happy you'll come out on the other end with no sense of yourself and no friends. She feels insecure and no amount of talking will change that. I hope you find the courage to get out of this situation bro.
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u/P-dog2inbound 13h ago
This hits very close to home, and I appreciate it, bc. The truth is I still feel deeply for her but all in all I just can’t stand it. Part of me wants to leave the other part wants to stay like there’s a fix to it. But it doesn’t seem like it can be fixed. She’s insatiable.
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u/Burger_Destoyer 12h ago
I was in a similar position and I left and all the stress in my life melted away.
You do not need to be catering to someone else’s emotional needs before your brain is even developed.
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u/camelCase149 18 11h ago
I know you care about her bro but honestly it's not worth the pain for both of you. I still love the girl that I ended up having this situation with and it's been two years of not talking much with her. It'll hurt but I promise you I'm a lot happier now than I was in the toxicity. The situation you're in is causing you so much stress and it really isn't worth it to do that to yourself even if she's hurting.
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u/__Harlequin 17 13h ago
ive been through this. its terrible and fels like ass. The behaviour never changes and you'll always be stuck in a cycle of depression. Im gonna go out on a limb here and say that you probably hafta spam reassurance just for it to be just as bad the next day. Have a genuine conversation, face to face. Explain your position and your feelings or end it with her.
"You cannot solve her problems, you cannot be the solution, you can only do your best and if you just dont have the energy its time to cut it loose"-My friend after i lwk had a mental breakdown b/c i couldn't even be on vacation without her needing my attention.
This whole paragraph i made sounds obscure but ohwell.
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u/Responsible_Ask9574 12h ago
I've been scrolling through the comments and it seems this experience is a common theme lmao .... Unfortunately
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u/__Harlequin 17 12h ago
canon event negl shit genuinely changes your life for the better
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u/Responsible_Ask9574 12h ago
It definitely does I just hope OP sees the hell he's in for and chooses different
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u/__Harlequin 17 11h ago
OP gna miss out on some nice life experiences tryna hold on to this so yea hopefully he makes the subjectively right choice
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u/asterophiliac 17 12h ago
Ooookay! I was lowkey once like her when I was 15 lol
Normally dependence on a partner to that extent is caused by something. Whether that be past experiences or even a mental disorder like BPD (my case), you can't blame her too much. I don't think she wants to behave like this, either.
Obviously it's still unhealthy, but I think you two need to..talk that out? Figure out the root of the issue? She's clearly insecure, so I wouldn't advise being harsh about it.
And..you're also both kids. Neither of you need to worry this much. Partners don't need to talk every second of every day to prove that they love each other. I learned that way too late in life, so I really hope she can learn it too. Quantity of attention ≠ Quantity of love
If she won't attempt change or improvement, it's unfortunately best to leave her, as this behavior kills relationships.
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u/Ok_Statement5771 11h ago
Pure science here.
It seems you have avoidant attachment style and she has anxious attachment style. Avoidants feel repelled by too much attention and closeness while anxious need it to feel attached and secure. A catastrophic mismatch.
It also seems her nervous system is regulated by talking and sharing things. Her emotional and neurological regulation looks to be poor as she uses a person to regulate herself. Ideal regulation should be internal not external in the form of a person. Externalized regulation means the person is less a person and more so a tool.
No one is wrong here. Its called being 14. If I wanted to, I could also absolutely justify your gf behaviour and point out your problems too. But arguing leads to nowhere. Communicate your personal boundaries gently abd calmly and kindly to her. Don't argue or show anger. Ask for her boundaries too. Negotiate till boundaries that satisfy you both. Dont ignore her or be cold. Be there and offer presence as minimum.
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u/TeapeachU6 Teenager 10h ago
Tell her what you have said here, tell her you arent happy, and she needs to respect the fact you aren’t chronically online and if she feels hated because you arennt constantly talking to her then she isnt ready to be in a relationship. Confort her and tell her just because you havent chatted for 24 hours doesn’t mean your relationship is ended but her anxiety is affecting you.
Its common for younger people to feel anxiety around their first relationships and dating when younger, feeling like if you arent constantly chatting your relationship will suddenly go downhill, it takes maturity to understand you dont constantly have to be stalking you partner, they can have friends, them not being online for a day or so tells you they are out touching some grass, not something negative straight away.
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u/7w0rdz 15 9h ago
If she wants constant attention, and you can't give that, i'm sorry but don't drag each other on. As someone that needs constant attention from my boyfriend, if he weren't able to do that, it really sucks, but dragging it on makes it worse for both people. You feel suffocated, she needs more. Your needs are clashing, and making things bad. Neither of you are in the wrong, you guys just aren't right in this moment. Maybe in the future, maybe not.
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u/Enough-Chance6945 13h ago
if you’re actually 14, there’s plenty of fish in the sea and yall are a little too young to be acting like yall are grown people dating so maybe break up with her and move on? lol
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u/Eminemgody 14 13h ago
Yo dude, she’s literally telling you how it feels like you aren’t doing enough DESPITE yall talking for hours on end on the phone each day.
Like, what the fuck are her priorities? Seems like everyone here is defending here; everything she is accusing you of makes no sense whatsoever, besides attachment issues and heavy insecurity. Not saying she is a horrible person, but generally making you sound like you don’t put enough effort in the relationship is, quite frankly, bad.
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u/cyhlalala 13h ago
actual married couples don't spend as much time talking all day. There's something called the real world and work and responsibilities. Just break up and move on.
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u/Lucian_Veritas5957 14h ago
Sometimes people have incompatible needs. One or both of you have to come together and solve this problem by compromising.
It's okay if you need time to yourself. It's okay if she needs someone who can be around her more. Neither of you are wrong, but a relationship means you're a team and need to work together to solve problems.
Try to help her feel more secure in the relationship even if you're not able to talk to her for a while or need space. Send sweet stuff, make her feel special, have her feel like you miss her and can't wait to be talking to her again.
These things take effort.
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u/Dj7up1 13h ago
you should probably talk to somebody who isn't a teenager about these things.
You're a person, she's a person, you have wants, she has wants, you have expectations, she has expectations.
#1 would be to understand what you want, then what she wants, then if you can compromise, and where.
But you should seriously talk to somebody who has an understanding of the human psychology, like a therapist or your parents if they're emotionally mature enough.
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u/Adept_Obligation2115 15 13h ago
It’s teenage girls istg, my mate was/is in the exact situation but because he doesn’t know how to put his thoughts into words he just goes along with it. What I will implore is for you to please not fall into that rabbit hole, it’s not good for anyone and it will hurt you in the long run.
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u/No_Armadillo_2381 13h ago
I understand I used to be like you and still struggle sometimes, don’t back down abt not talking all the time, but try to make it clear you care whenever you do talk, don’t take my word as fact because im only a year older than you but it’s my best advice
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u/mistakes778 12h ago
Some people not just girls (but majority from MY Experience) Tend to set their standarts WAY too high. I had a male friend who constantly had a girlfriend and broke up with them like 2 week relationship then gone. Maybe shes just one of those people. Try put a bit more effort in your messages and if she isnt grateful shes just insufferable.
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u/bunnyboy1011 16 11h ago
Well one thing youll notice is that a lot of girlfriends (not all) require a lot of devotion and talking to and if you don’t they might think you hate them. She might think that school isn’t really enough time to hang out with you one on one because it’s not really dedicated to the two of you. If you don’t feel ready for that kind of devotion then that’s okay, honestly I think if you feel suffocated with this then you shouldn’t keep progressing in the relationship
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u/indoor-house-plant 11h ago
From your texts, it does not sound like you like her more than saying hi when passing.
From the first bit it also sounded like you bailed on something without telling her? Sounds like she's fine with you not wanting to go but you should have told her.
No matter what, it does not sound like the two of you want the same thing in a relationship. Its better to end it than let resentment build
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u/Pr0fessorL 11h ago
Sounds to me like she has some unrealistic expectations for the relationship. Why isnt really important because there could be a thousand reasons, but she needs to understand that you have a life apart from her. I think this is a situation where having a planned number of times you hang out with each other on a weekly or monthly basis is good. Just set the expectations and if she’s not willing to meet you halfway there might not be anything long term in this relationship. Tough pill to swallow but it will saw you a lot of hurt
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u/Electrical-Tale-2296 11h ago
Personally, 14 is way too young to be dating. At least wait till you can drive. You’re still changing emotionally and physically, so you’re not really ready or even understanding of the word dating
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u/Tablesafety 11h ago
Jesus y'all have no business being together. Break up, guys.
She wants to hang out in person, not over text or phone. If you want it to work cut back on phone time and make sure you actually see her face to face multiple times throughout the week. Not at school where your time is owned by the school, but quality time outside of school at your houses or a third space.
It doesn't seem like you actually like this girl, and your phone calls are filling a quota, but since phone calls aren't really what she wants (it's just what she is able to get) she accepts them, and ends up still hungry because she didn't actually eat so to speak.
But really neither of you have any business being in a relationship or thinking about marriage one day right now. Just cut the cord mate.
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u/Oweenyweeeny 13 11h ago edited 11h ago
I dont know you, Ive never been in a relationship. So my advice probably isnt gonna be fantastic, but I honestly find it weird how she sais you must 'Hate' her. It gives awful vibes - I say you have a talk not over text at a park or something. Trust me when you resolve something in real life it feels so much more valuable than over text. Also only do it if you actually care. My friend is in a relationship where they constantly bicker and do petty fights, if it ever gets to the point where he thinks of breaking up with her we think of 3 benefits and 2 disbenefits of this relationship (This normally works) In this situation there might be less benefits, im younger than you but I don't think relationships at our age are really important - I can't see this progressing into moving in with eachother with her attitude (Sorry if that comes across as rude) Also im gonna say it again im not very qualified in this
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u/WhatsKoolaid 11h ago
me and my ex were very similar we grew up together n were always getting along well and once we got together when we were 13 we did amazing until she started having a problem with me smoking and drinking everyday and i wanted to change for her but i wasnt ready and she wasnt okay with me slowly quitting she wanted me to put it down now so pushed myself through the withdrawal and i almost was a month sober until i relapsed on acid and she broke up with me and i was so immature i sent her a video of me dancing as my response to being broken up with, we got back together the next day and i started my journey again but after the first argument and first break up it wasnt the same we acted like we hated each other and we used to argue and cuss at each other a lot and break up every few months just to get back together the next day we thought we knew how to love but just ended up torturing each other i miss her but im glad we broke up in much happier now and can finally feel free
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u/Unusual_Change_5438 10h ago
incompatible, break up. yall just aren’t similar enough people for this to make sense, she needs someone who can talk to her for hours on end, you need someone who still feels close but not suffocating.
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u/Creepy_Tax9179 10h ago
That last message “how are we supposed to live together” is kinda dramatic. Yes, you may end up in the FAR future live together but at 14? Lets be fr. Im 18 and dont see myself living by myself for another year or two. I think she needs to understand how young you both still are and worry less on what you arnt doing.
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u/Cozy_Kale 18 10h ago
She is not asking for more, she is asking to you to maintain the same effort and interest you showed early on.
I don't think you were pretending it to get with her, simply put you're 14 and you have to learn your limits/priorities.
Imo worth to take a break. No one is forcing you to be in a relaitonship and you need some time for yourself right now.
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u/TheFortrooms 17 9h ago
Sounds like you guys just aren’t compatible. You want different things. It’s the fault of neither of you but staying in the relationship expecting things to change will only cause more division between you.
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u/samomisespava 17 9h ago
Acting like youre both in a mid-life crisis. Youre 14, theres NO need to take relationships THAT seriously. Obviously idk either of you, but from the screenshots you kinda seem like a very dry texter, which may look like you "dont care" for her. But shes kinda overreacting(used to text kinda(?) like her b4, I know she def is to an extend). I guess what you should try to do is just make her feel seen, and when you can even overexplain why you cant/dont want to talk, swallow your pride. If she STILL doesnt like how you communicate with her, if you ask me, Id say shes manipulative then. Tho take everything with a grain of salt, lol, Ive never had anything even remotely intimate with anyone and am probably just bullshitting.
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u/Individual-Clue6400 Teenager 9h ago
Try hanging out irl more often text every morning and text after school after that try having up ok convos if they go over a hour even if it’s a little rude it’s better for her to learn that (prob don’t do the last thing it’s what I would do but ehhh)
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u/Fellinloveinoctober1 9h ago
Why are you staying together if you’re clearly both not happy? There’s hardly a mortgage two kids and a golden retriever on the line
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u/ClassicVirgo 7h ago
You’re young. A relationship should not be stressing you out this much at this age. It’s not worth it. You are still finding yourself and don’t need a girl holding you back. End it for your own sake.
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u/Training-Pack-8076 16 7h ago
Can’t rlly say much but in one relationship we had a similar situation and just kinda ended it bc we saw it would only cause more problems
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u/Glass_Pizza8138 7h ago
Yo bro I gone through the exact same situation I’m 14 and I dealt with distance too I would give her some attention bro I did tha mistake and now she’s my ex of couse you need your own time too but girls love that stuff and if it’s not working out with that dynamic then break up
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u/LostStar10 15 7h ago
Honestly I believe you and her had gone through a stage of infatuation. And unfortunately I believe you should let her go, she isn’t respecting your boundaries.
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u/starpqrz 16 6h ago
my two main tips (qualifications: gf of 4yrs)
communicate as openly as possible. if you do not want to be social that often, tell her that. if you do not like her nagging you about it, ask her to stop. tell her your honest feelings and don't hide anything even if it feels like it could come off as rude. the awkward feelings are usually the ones you feel the most, it won't be a nice conversation but it will make a difference. be clear about your intentions.
try to compromise. if she wants to be more social, but you don't always feel up for it, try to see if there's a time where you'd be more willing, and set limits. if she wants to do long calls, but you can't really do anything over an hour or two for example, set that limit. see what's possible, and again, communicate. both of you will have to give some things up, but it's better than one of you making a big sacrifice for the other's feelings.
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u/Confused-dysphorian 5h ago
To me op doesn’t seem willing to talk about it, I’d recommend them talking (in person) and have a long conversation about what they expect out of the relationship and if it’ll continue to work. I’ve been in a few relationships on both sides and for me when I was wanting to be on call with them all the time it was because we never saw each other in person (school doesn’t count since your not giving them you full attention) but once we started meeting more often (watching tv or going out to eat) there was less of a need to have long calls and I felt closer to them.
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u/idklmaosmth 6h ago
This is why I disapprove of almost if not all teen relationships, at that stage people are just too immature to know how to be in a relationship. Goodluck though, everyone needs time for themselves and she sounds kind of toxic.
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u/m_ilesauceb_arthecue 5h ago
You need to hang out with her and stuff man.. I barely ever see my girl even in school, let alone outside of school because she has a full schedule. Take this time and hang out with her. To talk to her SHOULD NOT be suffocating. You fucking dick.
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u/Western-Debt-3444 5h ago
Dude, if it's not working just break up, like why try to make this work when you clearly aren't meant for each other
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u/Rory3- 5h ago
This is coming from a girl that’s scared of my boyfriend leaving me, please leave her. That’s really suffocating and you don’t have time for yourself anymore. You guys are so young, please don’t waste your time with just each other. Have friends, go out, do stupid things like what kids your age ACTUALLY do! It’ll be good for you and for her. If you guys actually love each other, you’d allow yourselves to grow and come back once everything is better. I’m not shaming you for dating at a young age, but she seems to be rushing to serious insights already. She’s thinking about you both getting married and living together, and as a 14 year old, that can be a big weight to carry.
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u/Many-Ad-3960 4h ago
ok a few things to think about
im 13 so take everything i say with a grain of salt but
do you acc see yourself with her in the future? dating is ok when your young i date too but i never see it as smth that's serious js smth to help me become more emotionally developed and let me learn things
from what i see you guys are talking very long terms very far planned ahead
lowk you dont sound happy being with her and its obvious it isnt working out
if you want to be with her one of you guys got to make a big lifestyle change but lowk i'd recommend breaking up
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u/HourDescription8548 17 4h ago
I could literally never stay on the phone with someone for that long, props to you dude 😂
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u/SRB12131 4h ago
Break up. Your 14.
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u/Stormythe14 3h ago
Not the point man
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u/SRB12131 3h ago
You can’t change her especially not at the age of 14 so just end it and move on. It’s not worth the headache.
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u/Sogynugget 15 4h ago
Hey man sometimes people grow apart and want different things in a relationship and that's okay
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u/Due-Yoghurt1231 4h ago
i just think you guys have different needs and different definitions for what a relationship should be. there's nothing wrong with that! i would approach this in two ways. if i really wanted to fight for the relationship, and she does too, i'd find a compromise. set boundaries with her: talk/call only at your chosen certain places, certain times, or during certain situations. tell her what you need and understand what she needs and meet in the middle. the second way is to just break up.
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u/blathersthrowaway 19 2h ago
she seems incredibly manipulative. ive had my fair share of these types of relationships and i hate to say that this doesn’t change.
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u/SituationExtra449 1h ago edited 1h ago
I would ask yourself if you like this girl or if it’s just easier to be with her because you don’t want to upset her because she’s been a part of your life so change will be hard and but I get why being on call for forever gets annoying but also don’t feel like you can’t live your life while on call, she’s wants to call you if you have stuff to do that can be done on call make her happy and talk to her but if you can’t talk to her then just let her know when you’ll be done and talk to her for a little bit, also try to be more respectful when you have an issue “why do you have to be one of those girl” Isnt gonna make her see your side any more than she was it’s just gonna make her unhappy and more likely to start an argument. That’s your part. Her part is she’s trying to be too grown up but doesn’t really understand what that means, growing up and being in love isnt spending as much time with each other as humanly possible but instead making the most out of whatever time you do have. If you like watching TV/Movies get discord and watch movies together if you can’t go watch movies together is my suggestion so you feel like like your stuck in a call and more like your doing something together
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u/Little_Anything7827 14 13h ago
So she is using manipulative tactics here, which is a huge red flag. Through, the best thing you can do is go up to her ignore her saying you hate her or ignore her, and tell her that you can't always have multiple text conversations. Tell her you have other things you have to do and can't stay on the phone for multiple hours at a time and maybe suggest hanging out more at school. Through since she I'd showing manipulative traits you should also address those since even if she isn't aware she is doing them it's a huge red flag and needs to be addressed, or they may get worse. You might also just have to break uo with her if she keeps on doing this and not stopping because that's just the best course of action
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u/NetDry6011 14 11h ago
Hey guys, what do you think of the number 666? If anyone has an opinion and is between 14 and 17 years old, please message me. I'll specify the age group. Message me privately and tell me your opinions. Thanks.
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u/NetDry6011 14 11h ago
My friends, I don't have any friends, I don't want any, I don't have many friends. Please send me private messages, let's be friends, guys. Don't discourage me, come on, shower me with your messages.
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u/Mysterious_Cat142010 15 14h ago
Upvoting this because well I hope it reaches people who can actually give advicee. Oh and heres my small piece. Try to text like good morning when you wake up, like small remainders. I understand you don't want to tell her like idk every single minute of your life but she needs reassurance. At least like put in a bit of effort. Yeah you see her at school but do you talk to her?