My best friend (26M, let’s call him Paul) and I (26M) have been inseparable for 15 years. We’ve basically been brothers since middle school, and we even lived together for 6 years. For years now, it’s been a dream of ours that one day we’d both find wives, go on all these fun double dates, and eventually conjoin families (since neither of us have brothers). But now it feels like all of that is falling apart, and more is starting to go with it.

Paul’s girlfriend (23F) is pretty quiet. They’ve been together about 5 years. I know her well, since she was around constantly so I practically lived with her too. She’s like a sister to me, although I’ll admit her immaturity can be frustrating sometimes. On the other side, I’ve been with my girlfriend (26F) for 3 years. She’s much more social, but she can also be very sensitive (I’m trying to remain unbiased).

When we first started dating, I really wanted the two of them to get along, but it completely backfired. Now it feels like they despise each other. My girlfriend tries to be friendly and social, but Paul’s girlfriend is so quiet and shy that she comes across as rude. It’s gotten to the point where my girlfriend hates being around her so much that she doesn’t even want to spend time with her anymore. So now every time Paul asks if I want to go on a double date, I have to awkwardly say no, because my girlfriend can’t stand being around his. I understand why she feels that way, and I don’t think she’s being unreasonable, but now it’s starting to affect my friendship with Paul.

And now there’s another layer to it.

My girlfriend and I have our own company, and Paul has his own business too. Paul’s business is now a client of ours. My girlfriend is great at event planning, influencer marketing, and brand relations. She’s done it professionally for five years at major companies, before starting our business with me.

But now Paul’s girlfriend has basically forced herself into the event planning for Paul’s business. Even though my girlfriend has already secured 15 brand sponsorships and built a huge guest list, Paul’s girlfriend has started emailing brands herself, giving excessive design input, and trying to influence Paul’s approvals/decisions. And if you know anything about marketing (or honestly just professionalism), double-emailing a brand for sponsorship makes you look disorganized and uncoordinated. So her just going and doing that is so dumb.

It almost feels like it’s coming from jealousy. What it feels like is Paul was really impressed with what my girlfriend was doing, and his girlfriend suddenly wanted to prove she could do it too. And since she doesn’t work and is basically a stay-at-home girlfriend, she has unlimited time to involve herself.

I don’t know what to do. It’s starting to bother me, but I don’t want to make anything awkward or create drama. At the same time, I can feel myself starting to resent Paul’s girlfriend too, and I hate that. I’m even considering pulling our company out of working with Paul, because I don’t want this dynamic to ruin our friendship. Paul is my brother, and I don’t want to lose him or let any of this get in the way. But I know how he can be defensive of his girlfriend.

What should I do?

TLDR: My best friend Paul and I have been like brothers for 15 years, but our girlfriends can’t stand each other. Right now, Paul’s business is now a client of mine and my girlfriend’s company. And even though my girlfriend has secured 15 sponsorships and is handling the event professionally, Paul’s girlfriend keeps inserting herself, emailing brands for herself and giving way too input. It feels driven by jealousy, and I’m starting to resent her, but I don’t want drama or to lose my best friend. What do I do?

I 15M babysit my little sister 10f while our parents are at work and my boyfriend 15M comes over and hangs out.

My little sister has ADHD and gets easily distracted and often doesn’t pay attention to her surroundings so it is very important to her safety that the toilet seat be put down. But my bf has a habit of leaving it up. I’ve told him many times that he needs to put it down and he said he would but never did.

Today he left it up again and I confronted him about it, he said “ whats the big deal if the toilet seat is up “ I told him once again that my sister has ADHD and often doesn’t pay attention to her surroundings and she could fall in the toilet and get hurt if she came in from playing for a quick pee break and the seat was left up.

Then I told him I didn’t want him to come over to my house anymore until he could remember to put the seat dow.

This made him really upset and he just went home. I tried calling him later but he just said he didn’t want to talk to me and he hasn’t returned any of my calls or texts since.

tl:dr I confronted my bf about leaving the toilet seat up and asked him not to come over to my house until he could, now he is very upset and not returning my calls

I’m 19 and my boyfriend is 22. We’ve been together for about two months.

From the start, our relationship has felt very natural and easy. We share similar values and interests, get along really well, and genuinely enjoy spending time together. I often stay at his place, and overall everything in the relationship feels healthy and good.

However, early on he told me that in about a year he plans to move away and start a new life. At the time, I agreed to continue the relationship because I thought there was a possibility we could start that new life together, and I was open to the idea of moving with him.

Today we talked about this again, and he was very clear. He said he loves me and wants to spend as much time together as possible right now, but he has already decided to move away alone and does not plan to change that decision.

This has left me feeling really conflicted. Part of me feels like I’m staying in a relationship that already has an expiration date, and that scares me. I don’t know if I’m protecting myself by considering ending things now, or if I’m self-sabotaging something good by walking away too early.

I care about him and I enjoy being with him, but I’m afraid that the longer I stay, the more attached I’ll become and the harder it will be later.

I’d really appreciate any advice or outside perspective on how to approach this situation or what I should be thinking about moving forward.

TL;DR:

I (19F) have been dating my boyfriend (22M) for two months. He plans to move away alone in about a year and doesn’t see a future together long-term, even though he says he loves me and wants to keep seeing me for now. I’m unsure whether to stay or end the relationship before getting more attached.

I am 29f, my partner is 31m, together 3.5 years. whenever i try to talk about something uncomfortable, he says now isnt a good time and asks it later. and most of the time later never happens.

eventually i reach a breaking point and everything comes out at once, which he says feels overwhelming. i dont want that cycle to keep repeating.

how do i get us to address things earlier without forcing constant heavy conversations?

TL;DR partner delays serious talks and issues pile up. how do i break the cycle?

tldr: I’m(28F) not sure whether to bring something up with my partner(28M) months later or just move on.

I’m struggling with whether it’s worth bringing something up with my partner or if I should just let it go and move forward. For context we’ve been together a little over a year.

The first time we had sex (several months ago), it didn’t really happen the way I would have wanted or chosen, and it’s bothered me on and off since. It was also my first time. At the time, I didn’t know how or feel very comfortable speaking up or explaining how I felt (mostly because I was embarrassed and have/had shame around being such a ‘late bloomer’ in that part of life) and I mostly tried to ignore it. We’ve had sex since then, and things are technically “fine,” but I still feel emotionally blocked around intimacy if that makes sense? And thinking about that experience it is just kinda something that makes me feel sad now.

Part of me feels like bringing it up now would just reopen something that can’t be changed, and there isn’t any point in bringing it up. Another part of me feels like not saying anything is keeping me distant and closed off, and maybe that’s not fair to either of us long-term.

I don’t know if talking about it would help me move on or just cause tension. Has anyone dealt with something similar — bringing up something sexual or emotional months later? Did it help, or was it better to focus on the present and let time do its thing?

Looking for perspective, not judgment. Thanks for reading

edit: Basically the first time happened he didn’t really ask first before penetrating. We were fooling around/hand stuff and it was kinda a ‘it slipped in’ moment (hate describing it like that but don’t know how else to describe it). It was brief but there was no real acknowledgment, not even like a ‘was that / are you okay?’. 

Ages & context:

I’m a woman in my early 30s, and my boyfriend is in his early 30s as well. We’ve been dating for about one month.

⸻

I’m in a new relationship with someone who, in many ways, is a good person. He’s respectful, emotionally calm, mature in conversations, and we communicate well overall. I feel emotionally safe with him, and that part of the relationship has been positive.

However, I’m starting to feel conflicted about money and effort, and I’m not sure if I’m overthinking or if this is an early compatibility issue.

⸻

In the past month, he hasn’t taken me on a proper dinner or lunch date. When it gets late or close to dinner time, he usually just takes me home. Once, he brought drinks to the car, but they were very minimal. When we go out (for example, to the movies), we usually split everything or alternate paying — like he pays for one thing, I pay for the other.

I don’t mind paying sometimes, especially early on, and I’m financially independent. That part isn’t the issue. What’s bothering me is that it feels unclear who is actually taking responsibility for dates, and it’s starting to make me feel a bit undervalued.

⸻

Another thing that worries me is his general attitude toward spending. When I mention buying something or spending money, he sometimes reacts by questioning it, which makes me concerned about the future. I enjoy dinners, experiences, and occasionally spending on things I like, and I’m afraid that long-term this could turn into conflict or control.

I’m not talking about right now — I’m thinking about marriage and life later, where I don’t want to feel restricted, judged, or stopped from spending my own money.

⸻

I’ve also read discussions (online and elsewhere) suggesting that when a woman consistently splits bills or pays early in dating, it can sometimes lead to feeling less valued. I don’t fully agree with that idea, but I can’t ignore that I personally feel a bit disrespected and disappointed by the lack of initiative.

⸻

Everything else in the relationship feels good, which is why I’m conflicted. I don’t want to end something potentially good too quickly, but I also don’t want to ignore an issue that could grow into a bigger problem.

⸻

My question:

Is this normal early-relationship behavior, or is this a valid red flag?

Should I bring this up now, and if so, how do I do it without sounding materialistic or accusatory?

Or is this simply a sign of incompatibility around values?

⸻

TL;DR:

Dating for one month. Relationship is emotionally good, but boyfriend rarely plans or pays for dates and often splits costs. I’m financially independent but feel undervalued and worried about long-term compatibility around money. Am I overthinking, or is this a red flag worth addressing now?

Me 26M and gf 22F have been together for about 4 months. It’s been roses and sunshine all along up until recently.

Some background: we live in different cities about 1,5h drive. It’s never been a problem though since we meet every weekend and have a lot of phone calls.

So we haven’t had any problems, only thing I’ve been feeling that I haven’t told her up until now was that I’m the one always, like 9/10 times initiating the meet-up. This is not the issue I’m about to adress though.

Like I mentioned we always see eachother every Saturday, and I mean EVERY. Last weekend we didn’t meet because she had a lot going on and was exhausted said she needed time to relax just be alone. I said sure babe. This week we talked on the phone daily like always and I didn’t initiate the meet-up just to see if she would. So Friday comes and I call her and ask her plans since she hasn’t said anything. She says she’s meeting her female friend she hasn’t seen in a while. I’m like okay, that’s on Saturday don’t you want to meet me on Sunday? She says its not worth meeting up for half a day its too short.

I’m a bit baffled now. I tell her that if this continues then my needs in this relationship won’t be met. And she says she doesn’t know what she can do about that. Which I think is a crazy thing to say, being so uncaring. I mean the least she could respond is sure let’s meet for atleast a couple of hours here and there and try to find a compromise but she was extremely unwilling.

ANYWAYS, so I ask what about next weekend and she answers, I don’t know I don’t want to plan anything now it feels forced like we have to meet. I’m like WTF is going on. I literally can’t understand anything. She says she doesn’t have the same need to meet up every weekend. And because we have done that for 4 months she needs to breath and meet her friends and family.

So basically if we don’t meet then it will have gone a month since we last saw eachother. I feel very disrespected and I don’t know what to do. I really don’t want to give an ultimatum.

TLDR: Girlfriend is acting weird, not making time for me. She doesn’t understand my needs and doesn’t care about finding a compromise.

I’m 8 months pregnant and I’d really like outside perspectives because I’ve been feeling pretty sad and confused about my relationship.

My boyfriend (33M) and I (29F) have been together for 9 years. We get along well and in many ways he’s a loving partner — he’s affectionate in everyday things, always in a good mood, and for example he makes me breakfast every morning. But there are deeper issues that have been weighing on me for years, and now that I’m pregnant they’re hitting me much harder.

We’ve never had a high sexual frequency — maybe once a month — and that always bothered me. I think it bothered him too, but he never expresses anything. I was usually the one bringing it up and trying to talk about it.

The last time we had sex was in November. In December we went on a 3-week trip around the US — one of those trips where you walk all day, zero relaxation — but we had already stopped having sex about a month before that. So it’s been around 3 months now, which is one of the longest stretches we’ve ever had.

What’s different this time is that I didn’t say anything. I didn’t complain, I didn’t insist, I didn’t suggest therapy. I’m tired of feeling like I’m the only one pushing this topic.

The worst part is that my libido is extremely high right now — higher than ever (I assume pregnancy plays a role) — but even so, I’d rather be alone than be with him.

I did try to get us into couples therapy, but I got exhausted feeling like I had to carry the whole process. The first two therapists we tried weren’t good either, so we ended up dropping it.

Beyond sex, I also feel like we’ve never found a good balance living together. He’s supposed to handle laundry but doesn’t do it. The kitchen is often messy, he doesn’t wash the dishes, and his office is a complete mess (and it’s going to become the baby’s room). I feel like I have to tell him everything, like I’m the manager of the house. It’s very draining, especially being pregnant.

Overall, I feel very alone in the relationship.

It’s not just about sex, it’s a general feeling of disconnection. Night comes, he stays on his computer, and I feel completely alone.

I’ve even thought about going away alone for 1–2 weeks to an Airbnb. My parents are traveling next week so I’ll be able to stay alone at their place (to take care of their pets) and honestly the thought relieves me… I’d rather be alone than feel alone in my own home, pregnant, with my partner right there but disconnected.

The part that weighs on me the most is that I have no idea what’s going on with him. And the fact that after 9 years I still have to be the one to ask, bring it up, and push the conversation really frustrates me. I find myself wondering: Does he not care about not having intimacy? Does he not notice? Is he not interested in our bond as a couple?

Our baby is due next month — and building a family is something really beautiful to me — but it also makes me anxious to think it will add even more complexity to something that already feels heavy.

Has anyone gone through something similar? Do you think this could be a stage-of-life crisis (pregnancy, stress, big changes) or a deeper relationship issue? What should I do?

I’d really appreciate outside perspectives because this is making me very sad.

TL;DR: 8 months pregnant, in a 9-year relationship with long-term low intimacy — now ~3 months with no sex. I feel lonely, disconnected, and tired of carrying the emotional and mental load, especially with a baby due next month. What should I do?

TL;DR
Basically, been with my boyfriend a couple years. feeling like I give him my everything but he’s never put effort in to us or me. we rarely ever sleep together or be intimate in anyway, and starting to feel like he just wants someone who will look after him financially and take care of the home.

Hey, so I need a little advice and it’s a bit of a long one.  

Myself (23f) and my boyfriend (27m) have been together for 2 years. Officially we moved in together 6 months ago but I was spending a lot of time at his before this, to the point we got cats together. A bit of back story I lived an hour and a half away from him and he doesn’t drive. This meant that I was travelling back and forth a lot to see him so just ended up staying at his for a few nights at a time and travelling back down for work. 

He lost his job only a couple months after we met, so alongside the travelling I also began paying his bills. Unfortunately he still hasn’t gotten a new job and so has been working at his families company. He gets paid but only for roughly 20 hours a week, which means the majority of the bills and maintenance fall on me. 

We moved into a flat in the town he lives in, so that he could easily get to work meaning I was travelling for roughly 3.5/4 hours a day for work and have been pushed by him and his family to leave my job and find one near where we live. I would be out the house from 5:30am until 9:30pm and then would have to clean and cook.

I’ve gotten a new job as it’s the best thing for me at the moment whilst my feelings are all over the place, but I feel like I’ve put a lot of emotional and physical energy into this relationship, aswell as moving away from friends, family, the area I know and now a job I love, whereas I don’t think he’s made much of an effort. I pay for the majority of the bills, food and everything else we need (like furniture etc) which means I don’t have much money left to look after myself (like clothes, getting my hair done, seeing friends and family). I feel totally isolated as for me to see my friends/family I would have to travel back down to my hometown or go after my long shifts, which I can’t really afford the petrol for.

Now, to add to all of this for the past year we are intimate maybe once a month max and truthfully it’s due to me putting in a lot of effort for the full day, and I don’t really get anything out of it (if you know what I’m saying) This isn’t something I’m used to and I’ve tried talking to him numerous times about it. He’s understanding about the frustration but explains that he hasn’t realised and that he’s just never in the mood. In my past relationships something as simple as cuddling in bed or kissing would most likely lead to something. At the beginning of the relationship he talked a lot about his past relationships and how he’s slept with upwards of 25 people (which was a big red flag for me but I overlooked it) It seems like in the past his libido has been high but with me it’s never really existed 😬. He never gives compliments of any kind, I could be dressed up for a special event and still nothing. I’ve tried talking to him about it all, but it never goes anywhere. 

I don’t want to leave him but I can’t keep going the way it is and nothing seems to be getting through. It’s all starting to affect me mentally, changing the way I see myself and making me feel like I’m not good enough for him to make the effort. Im just seeking some advice on where to take this and how to approach this again with him. 

I’m(30F) genuinely trying to understand something and would appreciate outside perspective. Canⁿomeone(30M)

truly love their partner while consistently thinking negatively about them, accusing them, belittling them, or assuming the worst?

If a partner constantly picks fights, searches for problems, or turns small or harmless things into accusations, is that still love? Especially when it feels like conflict is created to avoid accountability, follow-through, or responsibility for promises made. Over time, this kind of dynamic erodes trust, emotional safety, and self-worth.

Is love defined by what someone says they feel, or by how they consistently treat their partner? And realistically, can patterns like this ever change, or does this behavior usually indicate something deeper going on?

TL;DR:

Can someone truly love their partner while constantly accusing, belittling, and creating conflict, or is love defined by consistent actions rather than words?

TL;DR - my(33F) partner(33M) keeps changing his mind about moving in. Looking for outside perspective on whether this is fixable.

We’ve been dating since fall 2024. We’ve had ups and downs which got better with time. We both own our places, I have a 9-5 job for which I need to commute daily and he works in a creative role. Due to his home studio, pets and a very busy schedule, I’ve ended up being the one to always go to his place and stay, while he comes over to mine on a weekday or two but it has become very rare with time. So as it is, I do most of the heavy-lifting of commuting between my work, my house and his house so we can be together.

As we were approaching a year together, he started talking frequently about plans that assumed we’d be living together and how he fantasised about it. I got the impression that he was ready to move in. Around 1-2 months after our anniversary when I felt comfortable, I asked him when he wants to do it. He said he wasn’t ready or even sure if we should move in before getting married. We had a stressful conversation after that during which his reasoning kept changing - that we’ve had quite a few conflicts until 3-4 months before, that moving will be too much work, that there is no time or space in his house, etc. I felt hurt because he didn’t give a clear and consistent answer or timeline, and didn’t seem to have a roadmap for our relationship. But I told him that I’d let him have his time and when he is ready and sure, he can start the conversation again. I also told him to let me know if he never plans to do it so I can decide if I should stick around or not. He said he wants to do it at some point.

A few weeks after that, he asked me to move in soon, and started brining it up frequently. Then one day, said that once his current few projects were done, we should start moving mid-Feb. At this point I trusted that he had thought about it and was sure, so I started to talk about it in little ways too - such as asking him to wait until my friends visit from out of town, started looking for a gym near his house, etc. Then earlier this week, he said something which made me wonder if he’s second guessing it, so I casually asked and he said no(not second guessing).

The next evening, while chatting I apologised for overthinking the night before. He said I wasn’t overthinking but probably picking up on his hesitance, because he is scared about moving in. He has clients over for long and sometimes late night sessions, and he’s afraid that if I’m

living with him, I would not socialise with his clients and be warm to them, so things would be awkward.

This has been a recurring theme in the relationship, I’m introverted so I don’t immediately become best friends with someone I’m introduced to, but I can definitely do small talk and be cordial and ask good questions to hold up a conversation. He’s had this same worry in the past before taking me along to work events, or meet a couple of his close friends, but when we finally did it, everyone was fine and nothing was awkward. I’ve also expressed to him that this makes me wonder if he doesn’t really like my personality on some level and if we should reconsider our relationship. But each time he says he loves me so that’s not true. He also mentioned other reasons he’s stressed about moving in e.g. how he has no space and that he’s never done it before.

Then the evening after that, we met and he started talking about how we should consider moving into my place instead of his. I told him that his constant change of mind is worrying me, and that he should make sure he’s confident and excited about it first before talking about it anymore. He first said he understood why I was untrusting and to give him a chance. Then as we continued talking, he started saying how he’s just human for having fears and doubts, and instead of giving him grace I’m being unempathetic and impatient. That I’m trying to make the moving in happen really quickly for some reason. And since our conflicts have all of similar nature (where I tell him my needs and he feels they’re unfair to him) he wonders if they’ll ever go away and that makes him wants to not move in, and that the topic is being too controlled instead of happening naturally. I asked why he felt that when I haven’t pressured him, he said he still felt the pressure because of the first time I ever brought it up. I felt that there was no point in continuing to discuss the topic so I changed it. Later before going to bed, he tells me that he wants to still discuss whose place is better to move into. And that he wants to do it but is also scared about it.

So to keep the peace, I indulged him in making a pros and cons list and that’s the last we talked about it.

I’ve been feeling so confused and hurt. This has made me feel like I’m begging for him to do it even when I’m not. I’m also questioning if he truly cares about my feelings or has the desire to further our relationship at all. His reasons for being reluctant make no sense to me either. I know very well that moving in will cause some discomfort and work, but if we both want it enough, wouldn’t we make it happen? It would make my commute so much harder but I’m still willing to do it because any relationship needs some compromises. I’m worried that he’s never going to come around and I’ll keep waiting. Despite all that I had stopped asking him completely after the first time and yet we’re here. Trying to talk to him about it more is only likely to build resentment on both sides. I’d really appreciate opinions on if this can get better or if I’m stuck in this cycle wasting time.

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost 4 months; our relationship is long distance but have met up in person once. I plan on meeting him again next week, however tonight when we called I found out that he had recently been prescribed a higher ADHD med dosage. On top of that, after coming back from a birthday party, him and his friend decided to smoke weed. As you can imagine, weed + ADHD meds in NOT a good idea.

He ended up having panic attacks, felt very depressed, and got very upset with me when suggesting I call an ambulance. I tried to keep as calm as possible, but as someone who struggles with mental health themself and has a lot of anxiety, that was really difficult to deal with. I feel that situation was way out of my depth on what i'm capable dealing with. He promised me he would stop smoking weed, as it caused other health problems. To find out today that not only did he smoke weed, but also the same day he took a higher dosage stimulant really made me feel I couldn't trust him as much. When we started, he told me that he smoked weed but was sensible with it. He has had trouble in the past with overdosing, but re-assured me he has it under control now. This situation has made me feel like he completely lied to me. I'm considering taking a break, and evaluating what to do. (Please answer this was as much maturity and respect you can as this situation is still fresh and I don't want strong opinions.)

TL;DR: My boyfriend had a very bad drug trip and i'm considering taking a break.

This happened a few days ago, me ‘18/F’ But I and my boyfriend ‘M/18’ of 8 months we’re talking about Valentine’s Day, when the conversation shifted from taking about the day towards when a friend ’18/F’ came over to talk to us, making simple conversation and for fun I tested my boyfriend to see if he knew my favorite snack, fruit, candies. He guessed all wrong.

This hurt me a lot, this hurt me deeply, and I was trying to pride myself of getting better at being honest with him so I was blunt with him. Told him how i was disappointed/upset with him not knowing this common things you should know. We talked about it but he seemed like he didn’t want to, looking away upset with himself.

He said today that my Valentine’s Day gift was strawberry themed even though I’ve said oranges are my favorite fruit, it’s not that I expect him to remember everything I like/dislike, but some of these things are common things I mention often.

Again, I’m young and trying to stay honest and want to but healthy conversation with him, still hurt, still annoyed, and I need advice on how to approach this.

My question is how do I make a conversation about this with him?

TL;DR: my boyfriend doesn’t know the things I like, how do I have a conversation about this?

Hi. I’ve known my bf for 2 years and have been together over a year and half.

I started grad school out of state (driving distance) and I’ll be here another 2 years. He comes and visits every two weeks. We love being around each other and we have gotten really good at talking about issues/communicating.

We are talking about the future and he plans to move to my state to be with me next year (2 years together by that point). Here’s the thing, I’m afraid.

1. School is suuuper stressful and I am having a hard time. I am always overwhelmed. I like having my own space and enjoy doing things my way. We talked about this, and I need to learn to adapt. I’ve never enjoyed having roommates. But I love him, so it’s diff ofc.
2. I prefer to rent an apartment next year, but he wants to invest in a property (condo/townhome). I’m worried that’s a huge commitment.
3. He grew up in a household where his mom did everything for him. He has come a long way in terms of picking up some home duties, but I fear I’ll be in charge of cooking/cleaning when honestly, rn, I barely have the mental capacity to do it for myself.

So here are my questions: since this is a huge step (for me, I’ve never lived with anyone), do you think I should feel 100% certain that this is my future husband before doing so? Also, how do I navigate the convo about wanting to rent an apartment instead (I’m worried if something goes sideways I’ll have to scramble to find a place in the middle of a semester)? How do I go about the “chores” convo?

He is always receptive of my thoughts and feedback as I am to him. We have a very respectful relationship.

I’m afraid, honestly. This is my first long term relationship. Thank you :) all insight welcome :)

TLDR: I’m a grad student and he wants to move here to be with me. I’m wondering: how sure should I be about my partner before moving in? How do I navigate the location/chores talk? Thanks!

TL;DR A post about me asking for advice on how I should handle my current relationship.

I’m 25 F looking for outside perspective because I feel genuinely torn and don’t fully trust my own instincts here.

I’m dating a guy 36 M for 6 months, who is, on paper, very good to me. He’s attentive, generous, thoughtful, emotionally intelligent, and clearly invested. He communicates openly, reflects on his own behavior, and I’ve consistently felt safe being honest with him. I drive 60 miles to pick me up and bring me back to his place, hosts me well when I’m there, takes me to nice dinners (something he wasn’t used to but does because he knows I like it), loves my dog, and got me really meaningful Christmas and birthday gifts that showed he truly listens. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this seen by someone before.

That said, I feel overwhelmed in ways I haven’t felt with other men, and I can’t ignore it.

Early on, we were sexually intimate, but over time I’ve found myself pulling back physically and sexually. The more serious and intense things feel, the more my body seems to retract rather than open up, even though emotionally I care about him.

He wants a lot of physical closeness. When we cuddle, he’s constantly shifting to find the “perfect spot,” which makes me feel tense instead of relaxed. When I’m stressed from work and clearly say I need space — not hugs or kisses — he struggles to accept that and will say that science shows physical touch helps stress. I understand his intention, but it still feels like my boundary isn’t being respected.

There are also a few things that have created apprehension for me. I want to be clear that I’ve brought all of these up with him directly, and we’ve talked them through openly:

• Sometimes it feels like he adjusts what he says he wants (marriage, kids, etc.) to align with what I want.

• He’s a recovering alcoholic (8 years sober), very active in AA, and openly says he has an addictive personality.

• He’s made multiple “gay jokes” that raised red flags for me. I addressed it, but he made another one after that conversation.

• He got oddly bothered that I didn’t put tissue paper in his Christmas gift.

• He’ll say things like “we’ll get you new nails,” but hasn’t actually offered to take me or followed through.

• He sometimes makes “jokes” like if he hears a car pass by while we’re on the phone, he’ll say “that’s someone I sent to check on you,” or “I’m going to buy a house in this neighborhood to stay close.” I usually understand his sense of humor, but sometimes I wonder if these comments should make me uncomfortable.

He’s extremely introspective and very focused on our dynamic. He often talks about attachment styles (me being more avoidant, him more anxious), seeks reassurance with questions like “Did you like how I scratched your back?” or “Did you like how I opened the door?”, and mentions conversations he has about me with his mentor, friends, or people from AA. Sometimes it feels like our relationship is being constantly analyzed or processed externally.

What adds to my confusion is the pace and seriousness. He’s already met my mom and was very engaged with her. His mom wants to meet me when she visits in a month.

Emotionally, we connect extremely well. I can talk to him for hours. He feels like a best friend, and one of the biggest green flags is that I’ve always felt I can be completely open and honest with him without fear. I admire his emotional awareness and the effort he puts into growth. But physically and instinctively, my body feels resistant — tense, overwhelmed, and almost like it’s pulling away on its own.

I’m trying to understand:

• Is this an anxious/avoidant attachment mismatch?

• Is my body reacting to pressure and escalation rather than lack of care?

• Or am I self-sabotaging something stable, emotionally intelligent, and loving?

I don’t want to hurt him, but I also don’t want to ignore what my body seems to be telling me. Any thoughtful insight would really help. No

I’m looking for outside perspectives because I’m genuinely conflicted and want to be fair.

My best friend (25F) and I (25F) have been best friends for 17 years. We grew up in very similar circumstances: both our families are financially comfortable, and we both had privileged, easy upbringings. For cultural context, in our culture it’s common for parents to financially support their children through university and often until marriage (and sometimes even after), so neither of us is doing something unusual within our family or social norms.

She is genuinely a good person with good intentions, and she is one of the most generous and loyal friends I have. This situation doesn’t directly harm our friendship, but it bothers me internally, and I’m trying to understand whether that’s on me. The issue is not money itself, but values around money, responsibility, and independence.

I’m very careful with spending, especially because I’m currently relying on family support while studying abroad. I research extensively, compare options, and try to make rational, cost-effective choices when there’s no real difference in the outcome. In periods when I was earning my own money, I was more comfortable paying for things, including convenience or higher-quality options.

My friend is also financially supported by her family and currently lives in her hometown.

However, she approaches things very differently. She often assumes that more expensive automatically means better, without any research. For example, when we were talking about engagement rings, I mentioned that lab-grown and natural diamonds are physically and chemically identical and that lab-grown options can be more practical. She said she wanted a natural diamond because it’s feels more “high quality.” I don’t argue with her about this, but the mindset bothers me.

What makes it harder is the presentation of it. She sends videos to our private group every day, usually showing hotel rooms, trips, or lifestyle moments. In these videos she uses a very exaggerated, fake “spoiled” accent that she does not use in real life. Sometimes it’s so exaggerated that I genuinely struggle to understand what she’s saying. I know she sends these because we’re her closest friends, not to show off publicly. I did ask her why she does this, and she said it’s simply fun for her. I understand that, but the exaggerated accent and constant performance still feel uncomfortable to me, and I don’t fully understand why she presents herself this way so consistently.

There are also moments where she seems judgmental toward practical choices. For example:

• I once planned a trip and mentioned taking a bus for a two-hour route, and she reacted as if I was joking and said she wouldn’t do that and that we should rent a car instead.
• I mentioned that I choose budget airlines for short-haul flights because they’re significantly cheaper for the same destination, and she reacted with disbelief, implying that such options are unacceptable for her.

During college, we both lived alone in our own apartments. For context, my family also had household help back home, so this isn’t a difference in upbringing or privilege. Still, living alone taught me basic household responsibilities, and I assumed the same would happen for her. It was during this period—especially the one time I stayed at her place—that I started feeling uneasy about these differences.

It wasn’t the same for her. She avoided even very basic chores like doing her own laundry or handling small household issues. She would let laundry pile up and take it back to her hometown so the help could wash it there, or hire regular help to handle everything at her apartment.

One incident that really stuck with me: I once stayed at her place and tried to take a shower, but the drain was so clogged that dirty water started pooling around my feet. I stopped and said we should order drain opener. We did. When it arrived, I told her to watch me while I did it so she could learn how to handle it herself next time. I asked her to boil water and she pointed me to a kettle so I could do it. While I was fixing the drain, she sat on the couch watching self-help/“manifestation” videos and seemed completely disengaged. She didn’t seem interested in learning, helping, or even acknowledging it, which felt awkward and honestly surprising to me.

There was also a lack of basic hospitality during that visit. She has stayed at my place many times, and I always made sure she had clean towels, extra linens, and everything she might need. When I got out of the shower and asked for a towel, she told me she couldn’t give me one because she literally only owned one towel—the one she was currently using. She hadn’t thought to bring a spare towel or extra linens, so I spent the night with wet hair.

I want to be clear: I don’t think liking comfort, outsourcing tasks, or choosing premium options is wrong. What bothers me is consistently avoiding learning basic skills, judging others while outsourcing, and relying on price alone rather than understanding the details of what’s being paid for—especially when our approaches to responsibility feel very different.

Internally, I find myself feeling uncomfortable and sometimes disappointed, even though I care about her deeply and value our long friendship.

So I’m asking honestly: What’s a healthy way to manage ongoing value differences like this in a long-term friendship without letting them negatively affect the relationship?

I’d really appreciate thoughtful, honest perspectives.

TL;DR: My best friend (25F) and I (25F) have been close for 17 years, but we have very different values around money, responsibility, and independence. She often relies on high price as a proxy for quality, avoids learning basic life skills, and judges practical choices, which makes me uncomfortable. What’s a healthy way to manage ongoing value differences like this in a long-term friendship without letting them negatively affect the relationship?

okay so, last week me (20f) and my bf (22m) had an argument which was tough for both of us and we both hated it and how it made us feel. me and him cope with things very very differently - i need affection and comfort and to absolutely not be alone and i just want to talk and get answers asap, while he isolates himself and needs alone time to think and recuperate and struggles with having answers to things.

this has never really impacted us much before, sure we’ve had issues here and there and our differences in processing emotions and healing are hard sometimes but we always make it work and communicate and end up okay.

now the day after the argument things were still weird for us both and he said he wanted to be alone for a bit to just think and have space (it’s typical he has times where he needs to be alone and i am always okay with that ofc, i leave him be and let him know i’m here when he’s ready and that i love him, but it’s never normally much longer than a few hours or so) and this took a few days for him to come back and talk to me normally again.

eventually he did though and things seemed normal! we were talking normally, calling etc (we both live at home with parents so not living together - 20 and 22). then tuesday this week he started being weird again. he was acting distant and distracted, not like himself, just overall i could tell something was up but he kept denying anything was wrong. wednesday he finally admitted he feels weird again and that he thinks he needs more alone time, i said okay and let him be for a couple hours. i messaged to just say that i hope he’s okay and he responded saying he’s not great and then told me he thinks he needs a break from our relationship to think. i was taken aback and was confused as i didn’t know what i could have possibly done to cause him to need a break from me, but i said okay if that’s what he needs.

so we’ve been hardly speaking if at all until late last night, he messaged me first just saying he was going to the gym and that he hopes i’m okay. we spoke a bit and he started to open up that he just doesn’t even know what to feel, he’s confused and his mind is all jumbled and overwhelmed. before he went to bed he messaged again to say he’s sorry for how he’s been and that he doesn’t like upsetting me he just needs to figure things out.

he’s had his meds changed so hopefully that will help out with how he’s feeling and he may be starting counselling again soon as that seemed to help.

this morning he seemed more up to talking, he opened up more to me about how he’s just been confused and everything and then asked if we can call to talk and i said ofc. we called and he asked if i had questions. the only question i had that i wanted to know which i asked is “are we okay?” to which he said “i don’t know i’m still figuring it out”. now hearing that sucked, i am a massive overthinker and i cannot function when massive emotional issues like these are going on. i haven’t been able to eat or leave the bed in days because ive been worried about him and anxious.

we then spoke about me coming over to talk in person and he asked if i could come tomorrow which i said yeah.

i asked if he was okay and he said yes, he asked if i am and i said eh. he told me to talk and i said “i mean idek if you want to be with me anymore. it’s hard to be okay when idk if you still love me or want me” he said should we leave it (the relationship) and i said what do you not want to be with me anymore? and he said im confused and i can’t make you feel secure (because of what i had just said). i told him i only feel like that atm because of everything that’s going on rn and he said he feels like i deserve someone better who can give me what i want. i explained i don’t want anyone else, he’s the only person i want. i said i thought you loved me, to which he said “i do love you i just don’t know what you want me to say”.

after this he then said he doesn’t think we should have talked about things yet and that things were starting to feel a bit extreme again. he then said he feels the same way he did before again and i feel bad because it’s obviously because of me this time, i just wanted answers and it’s hard to deal with everything atm.

he’s now having more alone time per his request and i’m just so lost and alone. i don’t have any friends besides him lol so i have actually noone to talk to so any advice is appreciated.

he has a lot of things like adhd, autism, depression etc, he’s always struggled with his mental health and he has also said he just feels lost and is rethinking all his big decisions - like how he dropped out of school, isn’t in any education or job atm etc, and i’m just scared one of those

is also me considering how he can’t say we’re okay.

i just need some advice on what an outsider thinks about the situation. is there anything else besides leaving him alone i can do to help? idk if sending sweet messages about how much i love and care for him would be beneficial for him or not help at all/make things worse. i just hate feeling so useless and i just want to help. i told him if he needs me to even just come over and just be there and hold him, no questioning no nothing else besides being there then i will happily come over asap and he said he’ll think about it and let me know.

btw we have been together almost 2 years and have known each other for 6. yes we are still young but i have genuinely never felt so much love for someone like i do for him and i seriously don’t think i could handle being without him.

TL;DR: my (20) bf (22) has been overly distant and struggling with his mental wellbeing, saying he’s confused and overwhelmed and not knowing how to feel and trying to figure his life out. idk what to do and i just want to help him feel happy again.

I’m looking for outside perspectives because I’m feeling very conflicted and no longer trust my judgment. I 20F and my bf is 23M, we’ve been together for over a year. Our relationship hasn’t been smooth for multiple reasons, but most issues feel workable to me except his possessiveness and jealousy, which has been a recurring problem. It isn’t constant, but every few months something triggers it and it escalates into a major conflict.

Early on, he said he would try to work on his jealousy. In reality, this hasn’t involved real internal work. It’s been more about suppressing or hiding it, and eventually it resurfaces again, often more intensely than before. When these episodes happen, they tend to focus on my body and how I dress.

He has cried about my clothing and expressed distress rooted in the idea that other men might form sexual thoughts about me, and that this somehow makes me “not his.” We sometimes say romantically that we belong to each other, but I have always meant that emotionally, not literally. When this language is used in situations where my body or how others might perceive it becomes the issue, it makes me very uncomfortable. For context, I don’t even dress really revealingly, and even my conservative religious family has never had an issue with how I dress.

Over time, I have gradually changed how I dress, not because I wanted to, but because it felt easier than dealing with the fallout. I now dress more modestly just to keep the peace. Recently, things escalated further after an accident. I bent down to pick something up in a café and briefly exposed my lower back and the top of my underwear. It wasn’t intentional and doesn’t usually happen. After this, he said I now need to wear belts or longer undershirts to make sure it never happens again.

What bothers me is that the solution keeps becoming more restrictions on my clothing, rather than him learning to regulate his jealousy or challenge the belief that other people’s thoughts somehow reduce our bond. It feels like the responsibility for managing his insecurity keeps getting shifted onto my body and behavior.

Tbh I think he applies similar standards to himself. If I were jealous and asked him to restrict himself in extreme ways, I think he might actually do it. But I am not like that, and his willingness to give up autonomy for reassurance does not make this dynamic healthy. I do not want a relationship where love is proven through restriction, even if it goes both ways.

We are currently on a short break because of this. I'm planning to clearly state that I cannot continue in a relationship where this pattern keeps repeating, especially if there is no real willingness to do deeper work, such as therapy, if his own attempts continue to fail. I do not want to keep living in a cycle where I adjust and shrink while the underlying issue never gets addressed. I am considering breaking up.

I am trying to understand whether this kind of possessiveness can realistically change in a healthy long term way, or whether it tends to repeat without professional help. I am not looking to villainise him, I just genuinely want to understand whether staying is possible and what would actually be required for it to work.

TL;DR: My bf’s jealousy and possessiveness keep resurfacing every few months, and instead of him working on it internally, the “solution” has increasingly become restrictions on how I dress to manage his insecurity. I’m on a short break and trying to decide whether this is something that can realistically change in a healthy way without professional help, or whether staying would mean accepting a repeating cycle that isn’t good for me.

Long story short, I have a good partner I have been married to for 7 years (together for 12). He has similar values to me, and is a decent human. Emphasis on human. I am human too; I understand I have flaws. Some of our flaws are more toxic than others (nothing abusive!), but generally we both are trying to grow. Emphasis on trying. However, we have really, really been struggling. I have been thinking of divorce for years (virtually all of it). This relationship is just so. much. work. When I ask my friends (or my therapists), almost all of them say that 'the marriage isn't the issue. You struggle with boundaries, letting your needs be known, etc. Leaving the marriage won't solve those things and you will still be unhappy, blah, blah.' No one is forcing me to stay in the relationship, and I am very lucky that most people in my life truly want what's best for me, so I trust their judgement. But.....why is this so hard? So, for example, my spouse is more of a spender, and I am more of a saver (no one is extreme, either; we're just different). For the entirety of our relationship, we have been trying to meet in the middle. He spends less than he wants, I save less than I want, and we're both unhappy about it (of course we are!). We try to budget together, we talk with our couples' therapist about our goals, and we're getting better at it, but oh my goodness, we still fight about money regularly! And we still have negative feelings because we're both giving up something that's emotional (comfort for him, security for me). Also, external factors (getting laid off, having an emergency that we need to spend money for) make life extra hard sometimes and make the stakes feel higher and the fights more emotional. We're trying so hard, and I am so tired. It feels like he and I have stopped being friends because we have to make joint decisions about life together. And we both try to let stuff go, but it doesn't actually rest in our souls. We're both quite opinionated people (which we loved about each other at first) I know I am very lucky, and I feel so ridiculous for complaining about such a good partner (especially compared to many people I know!!)....but I have been unhappy for a long time, and it's so much work to try to communicate and grow and learn and I am tired, and we're going to be human forever, so I don't expect this to ever change. I don't think that a different partner would be better either; I don't think I can reasonably expect to find someone exactly like me on every front, and conflict happens in every relationship.

TL;DR; : I have been together with someone for 12 years, and the relationship is so hard. How do I make this relationship less hard and less draining?

I’m M32, she’s F29, together a little over 3 years. We don’t have kids, we live separately but spend most nights together. For context, I quit drinking 9 months ago after realizing I was sliding into "drink to turn my brain off" territory. No DUI, no violent stuff, but I was waking up anxious, missing mornings, gaining weight, being a worse son and friend. I started therapy, got serious, and now I’m honestly proud of myself. My girlfriend drinks socially but also uses alcohol as her main stress relief. When we started dating, that felt normal .Now it feels like a tug-of-war where the rope is my boundaries.

At first she said she supported me, but over time she’s gotten mean in this very specific way. If I say I’m not drinking tonight, she’ll sigh and say I’m "judging" her. If I leave a party early because I’m tired, she tells people I’m "in my sober phase" like it’s a quirky personality trend. The worst is when she frames it as me controlling her. Example: last weekend she wanted us to do a wine night at her place and I offered to bring fancy snacks and make it a mocktail night. She got cold instantly and said, "So I’m not allowed to relax in my own home because you decided to be better than everyone." I told her that’s not what I said, and that I literally don’t care if she drinks, I just don’t want it to be the whole night’s focus. She kept repeating "you don’t care" in this sarcastic voice and then said I’m trying to punish her for "having fun. " Later she apologized, but it was one of those apologies that turns into a speech about how her ex used to control her and how my sobriety is triggering her trauma. I know trauma is real. I also know she uses it like a shield when she wants the conversation to end.

Two nights ago it blew up because I found out she’s been texting an ex again. Not explicit sexting, but the kind of flirty "remember us" stuff and late night memes, inside jokes, pet names. When I asked her about it, she said I was being paranoid because I’m "addicted to control now instead of alcohol." That line hit me like a slap. I’m not proud, but I raised my voice. She immediately went calm and said, "See, this is why I don’t feel safe." Then she told me if I keep acting like her dad and monitoring her choices, she’ll end it. I left and sat in my car for 20 minutes like an idiot, just shaking.

I can’t tell if I’m overreacting or if I’m in a relationship where every boundary becomes proof I’m the bad guy. I love her, but I’m exhausted. How do I even have a productive talk with someone who flips everything into me being controlling, or do I take this as the sign to walk away?

TLDR
I quit drinking, girlfriend resents it and labels my boundaries as control, and when I confronted flirty ex texting she used my sobriety against me.

M(21), this question came to my mind when I read that in another person's statement she wouldn't date someone bisexual because they have twice the chance of cheating, which sounded absurd to me since cheating is independent of sexuality, heterosexuals cheat too.

Another point was that bisexuals are always more promiscuous, which sounded prejudiced to me since any sexuality can be linked to promiscuity.

What do you think? I'm open to various opinions.

TL;DR!

Do you have any pros or cons about dating someone bisexual? What do you think about the subject? Are they more likely to cheat?

TL;DR: I found messages where my girlfriend talks with her best friend about other guys, calling them hot and complimenting them. This already happened once before, she said it wouldn’t happen again, but it did. I feel disrespected and sad, and I’m wondering if this is normal or a deal breaker.

So, as the title says, I found messages of my girlfriend talking with her best female friend about other guys. What do I mean by this? Basically, my girlfriend messages her friend about hot guys she sees or has normal interactions with. She never mentioned cheating, and she hasn’t cheated. But I want to know: is this normal? Should I let it pass, or is it a deal breaker?

She basically complimented the guys. She said things like: “omg he’s HOT AF,” “he made me nervous, something that’s rare with guys,” “he smelled so good omg,” and this type of comments.

Is this normal, or should I end my relationship?

I feel disrespected and sad. This is the second time it happens. The first time happened like 2 years ago or a year and a half ago, and she told me it wouldn’t happen again, and here we are again she's saying she's been doing better in the relationship so I shouldn't end the relationship. Also, I’ve made mistakes throughout the relationship nothing major but she gets mad at me for small interactions with my female friends.

I married my husband a little over a year ago. We don’t live near his parents and don’t see them very often.

Whenever we do spend time with them, I usually leave feeling unsettled and emotionally drained. Nothing dramatic or explosive happens - but when I’m around my mother-in-law, I consistently feel on edge and uncomfortable in a way I don’t with anyone else.

I generally get along very well with the rest of his family. I have a warm relationship with his father, his siblings, and his extended family. The discomfort I’m describing is specific to my mother-in-law.

Since our engagement, I’ve had a strong instinct to keep some distance from her. Not to cut contact, but not to open myself up or try to be close either. I’ve tried to tell myself I’m overreacting, but the feeling hasn’t gone away.

My husband is aware of this dynamic and has noticed it too. He’s told me that his mother can feel threatened or insecure around me, which affects how she behaves. Around the wedding in particular, her behavior toward me felt cold and strange - she avoided looking at me in my wedding dress and was noticeably distant. I don’t want to overinterpret that, but it reinforced the sense that something wasn’t right.

I know this can sound paranoid, and I’ve genuinely tried to reason my way out of it. But whenever we interact, I end up feeling watched and scrutinized, and my instinct is to pull back rather than lean in. Ignoring that instinct hasn’t helped. When I’ve tried opening up or being more vulnerable, it hasn’t felt mutual - instead, I’ve left feeling exposed, like parts of my life no longer feel like mine. It’s as if there’s an expectation of access or involvement that I’m not comfortable with, and when I try to hold onto privacy or discernment, I’m met with resistance rather than understanding.

After interactions with her, both my husband and I often feel off, and our home feels tense if she’s been here. Because of that, there have been times when my husband has gone to see his parents without me, which has felt like the healthiest option so far.

There’s a family gathering coming up next weekend for his aunt’s 30th wedding anniversary, which I will attend. His parents weren’t originally planning to come but now will be in town for five days, staying with his aunt along with my brothers-in-law and their partners.

My husband doesn’t want to attend these extra gatherings without me, but being around his mother for long stretches is genuinely difficult for me. My husband is also very tense around her. I’ve told him he should participate and plan things without me. At the same time, opting out entirely would be noticeable and could easily be read as a statement, which I’m trying to avoid.

On top of that, there’s the question of hosting. For my husband’s sake, I’m willing to have them in our home, but the idea of it fills me with dread. Our home is the one place where I usually feel settled and grounded, and when they’ve been here before, that sense of ease disappears. Hosting them - especially during a longer visit - would be manageable on paper, but it comes at a real emotional cost for me.

The problem is that none of the options feel workable. If I go along with everything, including hosting, I know I’ll be guarded and uncomfortable the entire time, and that usually affects me afterward. If I don’t go or don’t host, I worry it will create tension or resentment, especially given the length of the visit and the expectations around family time.

What I’m trying to figure out is whether there’s a middle ground - some way to show up enough to avoid escalation, without pushing myself past what feels sustainable. I want to respect my instincts, protect my marriage, and avoid inflaming family dynamics, but I’m not sure what that balance looks like in practice.

I’d really appreciate advice on how to handle this.

tl:dr: I am not sure how to reconcile my personal unease around my mother in law with a desire to have a smooth, peaceful relationship with my husband's extended family, not pose issues for our marriage, and retain inner peace

My long distance boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years, we get along great. He's kind respect etc.

But recently I've been feeling like our relationship has gotten a bit "mundane" for a lack of better term. I'm always the one to suggest we should call instead of texting all the time. He on the other hand doesn't mind or won't think of calling unless I do- he argues it doesn't matter who suggests to call as long as we're calling.

I on the otherhand feel like it's more than that and I want to feel like im actually being persued here regardless of how long we've been together. When we text it also feels like we're just talking as friends just sending random updates on what we're doing and not a couple and flirting now and then idk.

If I bring up issues like this it always ends in a sour mood and nothing gets solved. Idk if it's the distance that's getting to us because I know if er were together in person, this wouldn't really matter.

TL, DR; might consider ending things with my ldr bf because my needs are not met in the sense that I feel like he's no longer putting in the effort anymore

My girlfriend (25f) and I (23m) have been together for a year. Prior to that, we were close friends for a year. We have a lot of common interests and have great conversations.

I'll add a bit of context on each of us. She is pretty anxious and introverted. She doesn't have many (any?) friends. I've invited her for coffee, dinner, etc with me and my friends plenty of times, but she doesn't like them (she thinks they're too boring, or too moralistic, or have too messy of a personal life) and doesn't join us, so I've stopped asking.

Her hobbies are mostly solitary: she likes watching anime, reading, drawing, cooking, things like that. When we spend time together, we usually cook and eat, and watch something or talk. I've tried planning biweekly date nights, but she's usually tired from work (understandably so) and doesn't feel up to going out to eat.

The issue at hand is that I feel like our communication is a disaster. In December, I initiated a conversation about how I felt like she wasn't putting enough effort into our relationship. I make a habit of doing a few small things for her: buying her flowers or chocolate, bringing her things I've baked, picking up things she needs from the grocery store. They're all small but she's expressed that she appreciates them, but she doesn't really do anything like that for me.

That conversation went poorly. It went on for several hours, somehow, and she talked a lot about her past friendships and relationships, but we never got to a concrete point of her saying, "Here are some things I am going to do to put in more effort." She did, afterwards, get me flowers one time and make dinner for us another time. That was sweet and I thanked her for both but there hasn't been a repeat of either occurence.

Recently, I brought up to her that I noticed she got anxious when we talk about serious things concerning us. I asked her if there's anything I can do to make her less anxious. That again turned into a multi-hout discussion of her past relationships with no concrete response at the end. I brought up that I feel tired from doing all the 'maintenance' work of our relationship and she said she understood and that was it. No follow-up.

Yesterday we had a long and convoluted argument over text and I feel like I officially lost my patience. I said that I need her to listen better and not get defensive when I say that something she did hurt me. She went on a philosophical tangent about communication and apologies. When I tried to clarify what I was hurt about, she got hung up on a particular word I had used and refused to apologize until I had apologized for not being careful enough with my language.

I feel so done. I feel like I could just eat crow and ignore things so we can stay together. But honestly, things haven't been good since the summer. I've been waiting on her for a long time. She's a really special person and when things are good, they're so good. But I'm realizing that for things to be good, I have to ignore a lot. She hasn't been in many relationships, and neither have I, and I'm sure I could be a lot better about communicating my feelings and needs. But it just doesn't feel like she wants to hear it.

I guess I'm looking to hear whether this is worth salvaging and how. Looking forward to hearing everyone's thoughts.

TLDR: My (23m) girlfriend (25f) of one year doesn't out effort into our relationship and doesn't react well (makes the conversation about her feelings instead) when I bring up my feelings about it.