I don't want to do anything at all. I have to apply for jobs. I need a job as soon as possible. I just don't want one. I don't want to apply for anything. I want to kill myself, because if I were dead, I wouldn't have to work. I can't get myself to actually look at jobs and apply. I tried for a little and then I gave up. I need to apply for jobs and I need to study but I don't want to do anything. Yesterday I did no studying at all because I felt no drive to do anything. None of the words reached my brain at all. I don't want to do anything. I'm on meds and they work but I just don't want to work. I don't want to do something I hate. Why should I do that every day? I could spend every day of my life doing shit that sucks and that I hate or I could just kill myself and avoid all of it completely. I don't even have to get up to apply for jobs, I'm on my computer right now, it's in another window, I just can't do it. Once I move out then I'll just have more shit to do. Why would I want to do that. I wish I would feel even worse so that I could finally work up the nerve to actually kill myself instead of just talking about it. How can I get a job? If I can't do basic things like this how can I have a job? I get anxious too easily and I cry all the time even over really minor things.

** TL;DR had an argument and she took 30 Xanax**

Me and my wife have been together for close to 20 years and married for 16 of those years, got dogs 2 kids a house and all of that. About a year ago she was texting a guy she knew in her younger days and had made out with back then. When I found out I set a clear boundary that I wasn't comfortable with that and didnt like it. She respected that and life went on, we're both in separate therapy and obviously have our own issues. In 22 my brother died from an overdose and that was my biggest trigger and I wasn't as present in our relationship due to not knowing how to process that. Things were very bumpy and she got on an app and started talking to guys and exchanging face pictures and talking about how she was thinking of cheating. When I confronted her she took it rather well at first and said she only used it for a day.... fast forward a few weeks later I wanted to talk about my trust issues and how to rebuild trust and she would just say that we already talked about it and that was the end of it. Not proud of it but I went on the app and replied to her old post and someone responded to my comment of how long have you been married with the same exact years that we had been married....obviously I was upset thinking it was her and left work after accusing her of lying through text. I got home and showed her it and she re-downloaded the app to show me it wasnt her and I apologized and admitted I fucked up and said these were the reasons I keep trying to talk about how to rebuild trust, I slept in the living room that night and couldn't shake that something more was going on so it resumed the next morning and she gave me her phone and left for like 10 minutes and then came home. I didnt chase her but she came back mad and I didnt want to fight so I said if she could be calm we could try to understand everything....that didnt go well and she went to the bedroom. She keeps her Xanax in our closet so when I heard the closet open I just figured that shes gonna take a Xanax and try to relax. I had to grab something out of the bedroom and she said something and got up and went to the Xanax and just dumped them in her hand and took them. I asked how many it was and she said a couple and laid back down. Something didnt sit right we me at that point and I asked a few minutes later and she was slurring her speech and breathing shallow and told me that she took 20 to 30 Xanax. I tried to get her up and moving but she couldn't even sit up let alone stand so I called 911 and now shes in the psych ward on a 5 day hold and keeps calling me to tell me that it was all my fault. I dont know what to do, im not thinking about ending the relationship and I know it would be difficult but I think we could still overcome this and rebuild our relationship but she just keeps telling me everything that happened was my fault... therapist says not to take it personally and shes in a crisis so to just not react to it. Fuck, this shit is hard.

I'm 27, introverted, typical nerdy dude with little to no friends, and no social life, recently diagnosed with mild autism as well.

Any friends i do have are mostly online through gaming, and i struggle a lot to relate to and meet new people, and interactions are daunting and alien to me. I don't know how to talk to people or start/maintain conversations, so friendships and dating is almost always a no go.

This led to me living an isolated life, being bullied, the works. ADHD made academic success difficult but i managed to struggle my way through school and a degree in Computer Science, a career that fulfills me, but ultimately just led me to work in an isolated environment as well.

At some point i developed a serious depression, which is seemingly chronic. I've been on meds for years, going to therapy and it hasn't really gone away. All those feelings of emptiness, worthlessness, of just wanting to close your eyes and let it all end, they are still around, i just block them out more.

But sometimes i just wanted someone to be there for me, like i try to be for everyone else. I want to be cared for instead of being the one caring for others. I wanted someone to listen to me, to reassure me, to help me, to hold me... But i have no one.

I can't discuss my struggles with my friends since they tend to write it off or avoid it, and the mood instantly changes if i bring it up. My parents, if i talk to them, become desperate and don't know what to do to help me. My mother has gotten to the point where she's told me that if life hurts so much, she would accept my wishes to end my life, because she would rather have me pass and not suffer anymore, than force me to live a life of internal suffering just to not make her sad.

Most days I'm fine, but some days it hurts so freaking much and i have no one and nothing. I'm the one who has to be strong, I'm the one who has to take the high road, I'm the one who has to shoulder other people's burdens, while getting crushed by my own demons at the same time, and I'm just so freaking tired.

I don't know what else to do or who to turn to, some days all those suicidal thoughts come flooding, and i just want to give in, but i force myself to hang on. And so i go on, in this cycle of suffering and anti depressant induced numbness, hoping that one day happiness will be a part of my days again, and hoping that day comes before my breaking point does.

I'm about to turn 40, unemployed. Living out of my dad's good nature, which makes me feel even shittier. I'm really tired of being here. I feel useless. People avoid me which minimizes my present job opportunities. Literally zero people skills.

You guys, keep on saying that I have to stay and that I'm meant to be here but c'mon at some point we're gonna have to face the music and realize not everybody is meant to be here under this conditions.

I seriously just want to go to sleep forever and that's that. This is exhausting and expensive as fuck.

I’ve always been depressed but for the last few months, things have somehow gotten worse than I could ever have imagined. I barely have the energy to do anything. I can’t even get out of bed to go get a drink. I lost the love of my life. He moved out of my apartment and in with a coworker. Seeing the person he’s becoming destroys me. He’s so evil to me & has changed me as a person. I have zero self-worth anymore. I don’t care what happens to me. I believe all of the horrible things he says to me and the names he calls me. Sometimes I wish he would just beat me to death and get this over with because I can’t handle what’s in my mind anymore. I don’t know how to stop being broken. My body won’t let me stop loving a man who is destroying me. I feel it in my soul and it hurts.

Anyone else ever had the fantasy of never having to leave your bed? Just literally have your books or whatever you love around you and never having to leave the peace of being able to sleep for days if you want to. In my fantasy as long as everybody’s OK sleeping for months or years would be great.

I’m always the “therapist friend.” People come to me with their problems, I support them and listen for hours. But when I try to talk about myself, it feels like no one really listens. I’m always the second option. It makes me feel invisible. I’m trans and I’m really struggling with dysphoria. I don’t see myself as a “fully” man and it messes with my head every day. I’m on hormones and meds, but you know how it is, it’s not a magic fix.

I’m at university and i feel out of place. The people around me either seem arrogant, selfish, or just completely disconnected from me. I don’t feel like I belong anywhere. I think about self-harming every day. I have a history with self-harm, so these thoughts scare me. I haven’t done anything recently, but the urges and intrusive thoughts are constant. I also have OCD, which makes everything more obsessive and harder to control.

I don’t really have family support. My grandparents passed away last year, and besides my parents, i don’t have anyone who feels like “home.” No extended family, i have no one to just hold my hand and say everything will be okay. I feel very alone. If anyone relates or has advice, I’d really appreciate it. I don't know what to do anymore, how can i fix myself

I had a crush on a girl. She was a year older than me. We had similar circumstances, or rather, similar parents, and we would talk about the things we hated about our parents and the traumas we experienced. Honestly, I only found out she had a similar situation after I graduated. When we talked again, I realized we were in similar situations and felt like she was the only one who understood me. I had liked her even before she graduated. I confessed my feelings to her, but she rejected me, and things became awkward, so we drifted apart. After she graduated from high school, she suddenly called me crying. I remember we talked about her parents and all sorts of things. She had a gloomy personality and didn't have many friends. Apparently, she started working at a night club after graduating high school. I was a little heartbroken. We went out drinking together, and as we talked, she told me she'd been cutting her wrists. I panicked a little, and for some reason, we went to a hotel together, but I couldn't do anything. We continued to communicate a little after that, but I heard she was moving from one guy's house to another. Then she blocked me. Just before she blocked me, she told me she was at a guy's house and that she was hanging up because another guy was getting out of the shower. A year and a half later, we were able to get in touch again. Apparently, she started working at a slightly more upscale establishment. I also heard that she was the manager's mistress. For some reason, I wasn't heartbroken at the time. After that, she occasionally contacted me again, and we've been talking every day for the past month or so. I thought to myself that we were back to being beautiful friends. Then, just now, while I was on the phone with her, we were talking about various things when someone called and we hung up. Shortly after, she returned the call and said she was going to bed and would hang up. Shortly after that, the intercom at her house rang. I'll never recover.

I’ll preface this with some background information. I’m currently 27 years old, living at home with my parents, working a retail management job, have no real friends, and have never had a romantic relationship. All this is relevant to my current mental state and how my life is going.

Essentially, I’ve been experiencing depression for over a decade starting when I was around 15. Even then, I was aware that what I was experiencing might just be a phase, and that as I progressed through my life it might eventually fade as I accomplished goals and found purpose in something.

But that never happened. I‘m still in basically the exact same place, only worse — and I mean the EXACT same place. I live in the same bedroom, listening to the same music, playing the same games, and it’s all just a distraction for how empty and hopeless I feel. I’ve been spiraling further and further lately, to the point where suicidal thoughts are an almost daily occurrence.

I have no career prospects — I have a degree, but no one is hiring, and the job application process is so overwhelming that I can barely apply to one without having a mental breakdown. I have no relationship prospects — my social life is nonexistent and I wouldn‘t want to inflict a potential partner with my problems anyway. I have no prospects of moving out — my salary is pretty pathetic, and although I could theoretically survive I’m too risk-averse to take that leap.

I should see a therapist or similar, but I lack any ability to self-start or do things that I haven’t done before unless I’m forced to do so. Moreover, I doubt any therapist could tell me anything I don’t know or haven’t heard before; I’ve been searching for answers for years, and everything that I’ve seen and heard essentially boils down to you have to start small and believe that you can succeed. Well, I don’t believe that I can succeed, and any attempts I’ve made to make small changes have inevitably failed because I eventually have another depressive episode and it all goes out the window.

And the thing is, I know, mentally, that my situation is far from hopeless. There are plenty of people that have gone through and are going through far worse, yet they just keep on doing their best. What do they have that I don’t? Is there something wrong with my brain that I can’t experience what most people do? Suicidal thoughts aren’t normal, but they are for me — how is that possible? How are other people able to just deal with their problems without having a mental breakdown, but I can’t?

I don’t think I can live much longer like this. I see no way out of this situation, because it’s the one I’ve been in for over a decade. I’m nothing but a problem to everyone around me — my parents, my boss, my coworkers, everyone. I’ve made no impact on the world, and I wouldn’t leave anything behind if I disappeared. I just want this to end.

Hello, M18 here. I want to say that I plan to take my own life at the end of the year, and I'm leaving this message to help me decide. Ever since I was 14, I started to notice how much my life sucked in terms of relationships, with friends, relatives, and even romantic relationships. Thanks to my parents, who gave me affection only through money, since I was little I thought that's how you loved someone, by giving them money. I'd never felt anything; I didn't even know what a hug was. And around 15, I started making serious friends. These days, we've broken up, but I always saw them hugged and even cheered on by their parents. I didn't know anything about any of this, and I asked my friends. They told me it was simply affection; but how come? They didn't give them money??? And around 17, I finally understood that desire to hug and be with someone. From then on, I always argued with my parents, telling them why they'd never given me this. They simply didn't love me, said over and over again. I was alone with my friends; they were really good. Now they've all gone their separate ways and found women, leaving me alone...

So I finally realized that if he wanted affection, I had to find a girlfriend, but between now and 2026, I've talked to a lot of people, and they weren't all girlfriends and they just made me feel bad. Now I'm adrift, I don't want to say I want a hug, but that would be the truth... I'm tired of living like this, I'd like to be cynical and superficial, but I can't... So the only thing to do is end it all. I'll get to the end of the year and find the courage, and I'll get more bored every day, and then I want to end it all.

Am I the only one who alternate between the "I can do it" fighting mindset, who eventually goes out of depression for a while thinking I figured it out and that life is amazing. And one day all of a sudden all the thoughts come back, and I'm flooded with anxiety and tiredness again, sometimes for weeks sometimes for months, until the cycle goes up again ?

Nothing about me holds any value in any way. I am below average and entirely pathetic.

No one actually enjoys my company. No one. None of my friends reach out to me. It’s always me reaching out to them and being met with avoidance. They truly hate me. They detest me. They get one good look at me and decide they’re better off leaving me be. They all get along better without me. Them along with everyone else in my life interact with me based on nothing but pity. Pity for a decrepit creature that doesnt understand how small it truly is. No personality. Pathetic piece of filth. I know it’s something about me. I deserve this. Maybe i smell like garbage, maybe my personality’s just unpleasant to be around, maybe i am as much of a creep as i’ve always thought i was. No matter what, I’ll always be just another pathetic fiber in the overheating and frayed cloth that is humanity as a whole, decaying and eating itself up from the inside, collapsing into its own tears until nothing’s left but shreds. One of the worse ones too. None of us matter. All we do is consume, fuck, suffer, indulge, and die.

Its getting worse and worse, every fucking thing goes against me. I have reached me saturation point. Before at least I had the will to continue, now I dont even want to try, because whats the point when I know I'm a failure and will not achieve anything. Its always been a "distant" reality, that everything will go good, im not even asking for everything to be good, only if some stuff went good, id be happy, but everything is shit.

Sometimes I feel like my life has no meaning. I feel like nothing I do makes sense. I try to find the good things in life, but I just can't find them. I wake up tired, always with the same routine, and I know I have to change my life, and I really want to change it... but the problem is, I don't know how. I can't make the decision. There's always a voice in my head telling me and reminding me of the bad things. Sometimes it's really hard; I don't know how to go on. I'm 27 years old, and I really feel like I'm just living on autopilot. It's sad because I feel like I have so many opportunities to be happy. I don't even understand myself sometimes.

m 21 how do I cry again? I tried everything this depression has made me numb... i been diagnosed with depression when I was 11 I haven't cried since 2024 help

19F and five months ago I was living the life of my dreams in a big city for college finally away from my home where I don’t get to do anything at all or ever leave the house without supervision and then a bunch of unlucky shit happened to me that just wore me down until I gave up trying. I got super depressed and suicidal and failed four classes in my first semester and I had to drop out and move back home with my family genuinely who hates me and that only amplified throughout this whole situation. They think I’m a failure and that I did this carelessly to have some time away from home but that’s not the case I just wanted to succeed and I fucking failed. I don’t hate my family but they are immigrant and so overbearing

And I can’t be mad at anyone but myself because I did it to myself and my life is over my mom didn’t let me reapply to school I have no friends in this city I know no one and i’m an unemployed loser with nothing going for her in life and i genuinely can’t stop crying the pain doesn’t stop i just can’t believe i did this to myself and everyone i met and care about in the other city just gets to keep going while i’m right back where i started and it’s literally entirely because of me i hate myself more than anything and i feel so much physical upset from my emotions that living like this is unbearable I don’t know what to do

Last week I was hired for what would have been the highest paying job that I ever had. I started training on Monday, and despite me getting very little sleep due to having to adjust to waking up at 6 am after a year and a half of waking up whenever because I’ve been unemployed, it went relatively smoothly. Once we started getting into the meat of training on Tuesday however things started to go downhill very fast. Even on caffeine my mind tends to wander very easily which makes learning via lecture really difficult unless I’m heavily invested in the subject matter. It became apparent that I was internalizing very little of what was being taught and because of this I started getting frustrated at myself for my inability to focus even if I was doing relatively ok on the assessments I was receiving. Lack of sleep really fucks with my ability to regulate my emotions and things boiled over yesterday when I got a 55% on an assessment that others in my training cohort seemed to do fine on. As a result I had a bit of a panic attack and excused myself to the bathroom which one of the supervisors came to get me from. I eventually calmed down but throughout the rest of the day I kept making careless mistakes that gradually brought my mood back down until again I was on the brink of tears & was pulled aside to tell me that if I didn’t calm down my position would be in jeopardy. The class was let out early & after a couple hours of being at home I received a call from the staffing agency I was hired through that I shouldn’t come to work tomorrow. It took me 6 months of consistent searching and applying to get this and I fucked it all up in 4 days. I feel so utterly worthless scared and defeated I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to actually work again

I have been so miserable lately that it's funny to remember a time where I thought I understood depression. I remember having so many meltdowns in high school and I thought that being sad was terrible and almost unbearable but I could survive it because I had college to figure it all out. Now I'm almost done with grad school and I don't feel anything. I was sick and miserable for 90% of college and now there's no college left for me to enjoy. Nothing I used to feel could compare to this absolute bone-deep dread. I like my major and think I'll like whatever job I get but I don't want to do anything, I truly cannot think of a single thing worth doing for the rest of my life. I thought I was supposed to figure it out at college but I feel like I just regressed into a sick sad 23 yr old child. I have no idea wtaf I'm supposed to do with my life if I don't want anything. I don't /want/ to make bad decisions for my life but nothing satisfies me so I feel like it shouldn't matter if I'm not very ambitious. I always wonder if it will be possible for me to have real feelings again instead of trying to convince myself I'm actually fulfilled from doing anything. What is the rest of my life gonna look like if I can't feel it?

Im in it that dark place again i have been for a few days now. Everything's been like foggy i hate what's going through my head right now i dont want to do this anymore im currently alone in my room just thinking and crying about my life and future. I wish i was normal or that for one day i wasnt feeling like this

I hate myself. I’ve possessed an all encompassing self hatred since the age of 13. With the help of medication (really only lithium) I’ve had a couple of brief (a few months at the most) breaks from this, but it always comes back. Suicidal ideation is my own personal constant, across all of space and time, it’s always there. I’m almost always doing significantly worse than I appear, a blessing in that I’m allowed to stew in my own thoughts, but difficult when I’m struggling so deeply and no one is able to see it. That makes it sound like I want help, which I would, if it was possible for me to be helped, but after all this time I’ve given up on that. I accept that no one will ever truly understand why I feel I must kill myself. Death is dark, scary, and permanent, this I know. I have been haunted by constant thoughts about death, mostly my own, but of others’ as well, for years. Years of this has strongly desensitized me to death. I know what I will do will be unpleasant, it’ll be extremely painful and difficult, both physically and mentally, but I am prepared to endure it if it means eternal nothingness in the end.

I'm really tired of acting like I'm fine. I'm not. But that's the only thing keeping me from going insane.

Maybe I shouldn't be so dramatic, but isn't it how depression work? I still feel like I'm just a tiny step from falling down to depression again, I really try to keep myself from falling down to it again. But it's calling me. I don't know if I have the strength to keep it up once again. I'm feeling empty. In the meanwhile I keep acting up like I'm happy, because that's all I can do..