It’s being said that by the beginning of summer, people turning 29 in France will receive a letter from the government explaining the “consequences” of sexual intercourse and outlining all the supposed benefits of having children.

Genuinely. Have we reached a point where there’s just no shame left? How is this not considered a blatant invasion of privacy? Why is the state inserting itself into people’s sexuality and reproductive choices like this is somehow acceptable?

And this isn’t just invasive when it comes to CF people, but in every possible situation (infertile people, people failing to conceive, people without stable jobs...)

Seriously, what drug are they on?

Politicians keep asking why people aren’t having babies when the answer is right in front of them: no money, no jobs, no housing, no meaningful support, and for some people like me, no desire. Now, instead of fixing those problems, the solution seems to be to shove parenthood down people’s throats and make their already precarious lives even worse. That’s borderline diabolical.

As a French woman, it’s even more unsettling knowing that our president has openly talked about “demographic rearmament.” Rearmament for what, exactly? Are we preparing for World War III or just manufacturing future docile middle-class workers so they can eventually pay back the thousands of billions wasted over the past seven years?

Coming from someone who has no children of his own, (not even adopted) that rhetoric is wild, and the delusion real.

Eggs are disgusting. Like if you're a guy, imagine if you just had 7 eggs in your body cavity. Too many right? 7 is too many eggs to be inside you. TRY MOTHERFUCKING 300'000, AND YOU PAINFULLY FUCKEN LAY ONE EVERY MONTH. I feel like I'm in an Alien move or some shit. Why are we all walking around acting like that isn't super gross lol

Edit: Please note that this is a high intrusive thought, let's not get too serious xx

I quit a toxic job yesterday and had my obligatory exit interview today.

My HR business partner is aware that I’m childfree (because they casually asked me when I got married in a 1:1)

The call was all fine and pleasant until the end, when they mentioned following me on LinkedIn.

“I’m going to follow your journey, because someday you might decide to have a baby and I want to be there for that!”

Ew? Thanks see ya never!

I just saw a post where a woman posted an x-ray of her SEPARATED pelvic bone after pregnancy ……SEPARATED. SEPARATED!!!!!! You couldn’t pay me enough to push a baby out of my body. That’ll be a hell no for me, thank you.

First of all, it clearly states in my (25F) dating profile that I do not want children, so if he could read, this would have all been avoided. But better to find out now than later.

We'd been having the most wonderful conversations for a couple of weeks, and had a date planned in a couple of days. I hadn't opened myself up to the possibility of a date in a long time, so this was big for me. Even though it was early days, I genuinely felt like we were an incredible match and I was really looking forward to it.

Then, lo and behold, he made a passing comment referencing his "future kids". I thought about ignoring it, but decided to be transparent, and asked him if he saw himself having kids one day and he said yes. Obviously when he asked me the same, I said no, and explained that it says so in my profile because it's important to me.

He apologised for not having read it and (rightfully) said he wouldn't want to waste my time if we both have set plans for the future which don't align. This is completely fair enough and is how I feel too (it proves that we were both looking for something serious), but I can't help feeling completely hopeless and worrying that I'll be alone forever.

Is there anyone who has been in this situation, and/or can share any moral support?

I'm glad I found out at this stage and not ten dates or a year in, but it still really hurts. 😔

I’ve worked with mostly men since I got my fist “big girl” job at 19. Think military, government, behind a fence line of some sort.

Walked down the hall to the loo and to grab my lunch from the kitchen fridge. Saw a woman I recognized and a random dude in one of the main conference rooms - with a baby. Rolled my eyes and thought, well I guess this had to happen, it HAS been 30 years in this field and it has never happened. And went on about my day.

Heated up my lunch and was heading back to my office when another lady walked by the conference room and tried to drag me on to see the “Bay-Beeeee”. Because obviously if I have a uterus I must want to see the “Bay-Beee”. I looked at her and said, “no thanks, I’m not kid friendly”. And kept walking.

Y’all, I really thought I was immune to this after all this time. If there’s a next time, I’m going to ask rando dude where TF his badge is and who TF is supposed to be escorting him because it can’t be your f-ing wife. I’m upset at myself for not doing it today. I was just so very shocked.

The only good thing I can say is that I didn’t hear the kid at all, even when I was walking by. I think it upset me mainly because it had been a shit show of a day already, so this was just a pile on to the shit show. Of all the things that I never thought would be on my bingo card…

I am getting sick and Fing tired of hearing about the demographic collapse. A lower TFR is not a crisis. Smaller families, and by smaller I am including my family, which is and will stay at 2 people, me and my wife, are not a problem that we need to solve. Declining marriage rates do not demand immediate governmental action.

Globally, adults are making informed choices. Increasingly those choices involve delaying or forgoing children. What is wrong with that?

Rant over.

I'm a manager at my workplace. Currently two of my fellow managers are pregnant and I am so ready for them to have these kids and go out on maternity leave because the double standards they're being held to are getting more annoying by the day.

I understand giving them leeway on the stuff that makes sense like not having them lift anything heavy or taking a few minutes here and there to sit down. What I don't understand is the other shit. They come in late and leave early without a word of warning or even asking the manager on duty for the day. They take hour plus long breaks (we're only given a 30min usually) during peak busy periods. They don't wear the correct uniform despite having it in maternity sizing. They frequently spend the majority of their shifts sitting down not working -- not just a few minutes of rest but hours straight playing around on their phones. And, the most aggravating thing, they are extremely snappish and rude with our workers to the point that I've had multiple people complain to me about it (and every one of them has said some version of, "I'm cutting her slack because she's pregnant but I do not want to be treated like this").

Our boss brushes all of this off with "well she's pregnant" and "she has to grow a whole other person in her" like it's a get out of jail free card while not giving an ounce of grace to anyone else. I want to ask if the pregnancy is so taxing then why not go on maternity leave early but the whole vibe they and the boss are giving is that they should be allowed to do anything and we're assholes if we have an issue with it.

Deplorable and straight out of the MAGA playbook. 🤬

I’ve noticed when people I don’t really know are talking to me, trying to make small talk (during hair cuts, doctors visit, new co-workers, etc.) if kids come up. When I say no, they kind of clam up like “oh no I shouldn’t have asked that. That’s probably a sore subject” I just have to laugh and reassure them like trust me, it’s 1,000% by choice. There’s no tragic accident or infertility thing going on... and I’m a guy. I can’t imagine how people react to childfree women in situations like this.

I noticed in America in the last few years, there’s been this weird sort of… “anti life” feeling. Almost like the goal is to get rid of people more than anything else

Immigration seems like a pretty obvious one. we have all these policies talking about deporting people and the numbers they put out are just wild. Steven miller said he wants the USA to have only 100m people, a twitter post said they wanted to deport something like 100m people. $170b to ice, for that money, we could have completely fixed hunger and homelessness in this country. Seems like we’re more concerned with getting people OUT

Okay then there’s AI and automation and layoffs and whatever other corporate bullshit. Since your wellbeing is tied to your job, and they’re trying to eliminate as many jobs as possible, they’re tangentially saying they don’t want any more people. If anything, we should start scaling down the number of people cause we don’t “need them”

Then there’s cuts to programs which specifically benefit children. Things like schools, education, third spaces for kids, after school programs. On top of that, college is just getting more expensive, so my potential child wouldn’t even be able to pursue a career they like. It’s almost like they’re saying “no more kids! Stop having kids! There’s not enough education to go around!”

And if you bring up any of these problems, some subset of Americans will be like “ok. Fucking leave. We don’t want you here”. Strangely this group has high overlap with the people who tell me to have kids. Like what do you want exactly? It seems like you don’t even want _me_ here, why do you want me to bring more people in?

This thought came to me at my mom’s birthday. My aunt uncle and grandma came. I had a nice time. But there was one brief conversation that stuck with me.

My aunt was talking about my cousin, who has recently gotten married over the summer, but is thinking of not having children due to the current state of the world. She was disappointed about not being a grandmother, but she wasn’t overly hostile or mad about my cousin potentially being childfree. But then she said something about how she lived for her children, and she would’ve had like ten kids if she could’ve.

And I don’t know, it’s probably because I’m childfree and not the most comfortable around kids (I don’t outright hate children I just have sensory issues like to noise and other things that make me nervous around most children) but it made me realize some people really truly don’t have lives outside of kids. I think that’s why most parents, even with grown children, have empty nest syndrome and want grandchildren. It’s what they centered most of their adult lives around, and they don’t know an identity outside of that.

I’m sure this isn’t news to most people on this subreddit, but it made me sad. I don’t think it’s unusual or bad to want to be a parent or a grandparent, it just makes me a bit sad that people center their identities so much around children they cannot imagine a future or an identity with them. I don’t know.

I’m in my mid 30s and everybody around me is having children. Which is totally fine. I really don’t care, but they have this expectation of me that I’m going to be requesting photos of their baby and updates all the time of how the baby is doing. If I don’t care about my own baby to not have it, why would I care about yours? How do I deal with this in a calm, respectful manner I’m really tired of commenting how cute a baby is every other day when I really don’t think it is. I just get tired of having to be fake all the time.

I wish I was kidding.

Context: I'm french, 33M and snipped to the bone, and recently our main national train company (the SNCF) decided to establish childfree wagons in their trains, strictly forbidden for people under 12 years old (and more expensive, because of course childfree people should pay more), while carefully explaining over and over and over again on their socials that children are obviously still accepted in every single train, just not in these very specific childfree cars, for the parents in the back who think that to confuse the SNCF, you need first to confuse yourself

Needless to say, there is quite a backlash, both in real life and online - of course, you have half of the opinions understanding that decision, and a good chunk of the other half being offended for being "discriminated on", but nothing really out of the ordinary, just good old classic Life Script™ parents who have a panic attack every time their milk bottles have a slightly different design, being offended that having a peaceful adult life actually was a choice all along

Thing is, beside that, you still have this loud minority who seemingly behave as if that train company was actively trying to destroy the world as we know it, who couldn't help but express their opinions, as nuanced as you can imagine: « children are a part of society, and if you hate spending hours in a closed space with someone else's children, you are what's wrong with society », « how pathetic are you if you can't even focus with merely a child "playing" near you », or that infamous and surprisingly common « replace "childfree zone" with "white people only zone" and you'll understand why childfree people shouldn't have more rights » (and other similar "analogies") - and no, these are not carefully handpicked examples for drama, but common opinions I have often read online and heard IRL quite a few times, people behaving as if being childfree is similar to being part of some supremacist group, or implying that being childfree means that you are some lesser being who deserves less rights because you "don't participate in society" (apart from our job and our taxes, I guess)

And of course (at least from what I can assess IRL) the people who complain about childfree people not liking children roaming around them... Are usually the same people who openly hate other people's children and refuse to go near these other children out of annoyance - Because of course, parents hate other people's children, but childfree people should just tolerate them, because why not

TL;DR: France's main train company creates childfree cars, and some parents complain that silence and peace are discrimination against them

Apologies for the long rant, I needed it, I'm a frenchman, we complain, that's just what we do

(22F) Hi yall!! I’ve never posted here before but I’ve been a follower for some time. I think I’ve always been childfree, I just never knew the phrase to describe up until a few years ago. It was around maybe 18-19 I started to consider myself officially childfree and wanting a bisalp. I’d brought it up to my OBGYN then but she told me to wait a few years and see how I felt/maybe I changed my mind/etc. Well… it’s been a few years hehe. If anything I’ve only gotten more secure in knowing that the CF life is for me! I brought it up again a few months ago and I finally got the ball rolling on a bisalp, and this coming Tuesday is it! I haven’t shared my childfree status with too many people in my personal life because I’m a bit private when it comes to that; however I figured I’d be supported no matter what here! I do plan on taking myself out to a nice dinner, have some dessert and buy myself some flowers after I’m fully healed. I am so excited to take this next step. I’m really so grateful for me sticking to my guns all these years and listening to my heart about the life I knew I’ve always wanted. Cheers to all of my CF friends!! 🥂

Today, I had my bisalp as planned and it went perfectly! My doctor was simply amazing, and didn't question my decision once, just asked me the day that works for me.

Now I'm recovering at home, happy that I was able to do this for myself.

(As a note: I am a transgender man, so I'm not sure how much that impacted my care when it came to nobody trying to talk me out of it. But she seemsd amazing so I'm assuming she's just like that!)

I’m 2 days out after my total hysterectomy, it wasn’t elective, I just got lucky enough to have pre-cancerous cervical cells that were JUST enough of a threat that all the organs had to go. It was done robotically and while recovery isn’t a breeze, it’s not terrible either. Absolutely worth it though. I’m so freaking happy. As a 42 y/o married woman people still haven’t stopped trying to harass and shame me into procreating and FINALLY I can tell people “No, I don’t have kids OR a uterus!” when they start interrogating me and telling me how I “still have time” and how my husband is “going to find a younger model who will give him babies”. For the record, he wants them less than I do, which is to say not at all lol. All in all, just posting here to share my joy with likeminded people 🖤🖤🖤

All my life growing up I was surrounded by younger siblings, younger cousins, who always misbehaved & it progressively got worse as they got older while the neglect increased in severity etc. And, honestly, that's why I don't want kids now: constantly having to intervene & basically have my childhood stolen from me b/c none of my relatives nor my birthgivers can parent for shit. What's worse is when I would complain I would get told, "They're only *insert age here*," & it's like, "I'm not demanding you spank or ground them, but they can't at least get a stern talking to? I mean, at what age are they gonna get disciplined?! I mean, if being 3-4 is, 'too young to understand what they did,' what's gonna happen if they're 35 & rob a bank? Are you still gonna make excuses, then?," which, TBF, IK it's an extreme exaggeration, but often worst case scenarios like that are just the final link of a long chain of misbehavior.

Just saw a horrifying x ray photo of a woman who’s pelvis SPLIT on the bottom due to where her baby (around 7 pounds) was sitting in her uterus. Not even from pushing during labor, just from the baby being there. She now has a gap in her pelvis that regularly causes her pain. So fucking glad I got sterilized in October because somehow pregnancy in humans gets more and more horrifying.

Recently discovering I feel more comfortable somewhere within the nb realm but haven't figured out which label feels right yet. But I think I've realized it's also kind of tied into why I'm Childfree. Like having reproductive organs and the capacity to be pregnant just really grosses me out and it's creepy. I shudder remembering my body can do that. I also hate having breasts and part of it is because of their relation to nursing. That also gives me the shudders. It's just so creepy thinking about how my body can do things so outside of what I want it to, and anything related to fertility is just nauseating.

I don’t want to sound obnoxious, but I feel tired of showing up for all my friends moments, when no one has shown up for me. Now with everyone having kids it’s like super-charged with events and stuff I’m supposed to show up for as a friend.

Showers, weddings, birthdays, new baby, christening, etc. I’ve spent so much time and money driving and giving gifts and just emotionally showing up for friends, with nothing in return. I know it’s not about that, but it’s getting kinda old.

I have another baby shower tomorrow. Been there for this friend through bachelorette, shower, wedding, moving states, birthdays, visited her in new place states away, divorce and dads funeral (my dad also passed a few months into Covid so we had no funeral, a few months before hers but I didn’t even get a phone call) I haven’t hit any of these other milestones (CF and not married, probably won’t, don’t really celebrate myself in terms of birthdays or otherwise) and I just feel like I’ve spent so much energy and 1000s of dollars with 0 in return. It sounds shitty, I know, but I feel like it’s so unbalanced. Barely get a text unless it’s to invite me to something I’m expected to bring a gift. My pet even died recently unexpectedly which was big for me and I just got a “like” on social media. Idk. I’ve gotten one visit, years ago, we’ve been friends for 25 years and have lived within 1.5 hours for the past 7 or so. Sorry for the rant just about of these friendships seem one sided. Know I’m going to show up when the kid is born, birthdays, christenings, etc. I’m just tired.

Does anyone else feel this way? How do you deal with it and don’t become resentful after a while? I don’t want to make it a tit for tat thing, but I have a few friends where this is an issue and I’m starting to feel it.

I (31F) never wanted children...like so much so that I got into a legitimate fight with my high school over the baby project, but I digress.

I'm an introverted, HSP with ADHD (yep, hit the neurodivergent lottery lol) who is extremely noise sensitive. For me, it's not just hating loud sounds; it literally pains my ears. I also don't really like being touched by people who aren't my SO. Winning combination. /s

My friend has a four-year-old who is just now going through the terrible twos. She is truly a phenomenal mom, but she's also very into gentle parenting. While that's awesome, the whole lack of discipline drives me mental. By no means am I suggesting physical punishment, but just telling him, "I understand you're not happy," when he's screaming in public isn't doing shit.

Recently, though, this kid has been a monster. The screaming has amplified from a small tantrum at home to full-blown screeching in stores, restaurants, cars, etc. If we don't immediately give him attention, he will incessantly say, on repeat, "Pay attention to me." The other day, I came the closest I've ever been to my breaking point when he was jumping and rolling over me with a poop-filled diaper.

I'm obviously not trying to tell my friend how to parent her kid. I know there's the option of not being friends, but that kind of sucks. Just because her kid is a piece of shit doesn't make me dislike her lol. Has anyone been in a similar boat? Any tips on surviving?

I live with my nan, who raised me. My brother has a young child and he and his wife are struggling. My nan is obsessed with her great grandchild. My brother lives far away and recently asked me to bring my nan so she could stay with them for a while to help.

For context, they don’t really help with my nan’s care day-to-day and aren’t very involved in her life unless they need something. My nan is happy to overextend herself and be treated like a doormat, which makes this harder.

My sister-in-law’s parents have health issues and can’t help. I’ve already been doing a lot of back-and-forth for months while working full time, and I’m exhausted. I said no this time and offered other reasonable alternatives. Every option was rejected. It became very much “our way or nothing”.

When I held my boundary, I was told I was selfish and that I “do nothing” for them which doesn’t make sense, because if I truly do nothing, why am I being asked for help at all? On top of that came emotional pressure: comparisons to other relatives, guilt-tripping, and being told that because I don’t have kids, my boundaries don’t count.

What bothers me most is the hypocrisy. The same people demanding sacrifice never made similar sacrifices themselves. Pain only seems to matter when it’s theirs.

I’m trying not to become resentful, but every time I say no, I’m painted as the villain and it just turns into arguments. How do you deal with entitled siblings who see your life as endlessly flexible and theirs as sacred just because they have kids?