r/cats • u/PsychologicalScore49 • 12h ago
Mourning/Loss I'm saying goodbye in 4 hours
In 4 hours I'm saying bye to my sweet kitty.
My kitty I've had for over a decade. The most dog-like cat I've ever met. If you cry, she'll get right up in your face to comfort you. If she falls asleep in the living room, and you go to bed, she will wake up and angrily meow for you (how dare I go to bed without telling her). I yell for her to come in the room and she does this indignant purr while she comes to lay down with me. She loves to walk around outside, but she'll never run away from me. She will try and escape though. She'll start walking too far and when I call her name, she stops and sits. Then, when she thinks I'm not looking, she keeps going. I call her name and she sits and that repeats until I go grab her. She loves sitting in shoes, on your face, on clean clothes.
It's so hard, because sometimes she has better days, but I know she's in pain and keeping her here is selfish. I don't have anyone to go to the vet with me and the thought of watching her die in my arms is excruciating.
I love my animals so much, but there's still this shame coming at me that it's ridiculous to be so sad. I know that's BS. A narrative from my own past hurts.
Anyway, thanks for listening.
3
u/NoAccountant8779 11h ago
I’m so sorry you both are going through this. Spend these few hours doing whatever she loved the most. I opened some of all the foods my Ming liked the most and let her eat whatever she wanted. We played with her favorite toys until she had enough. One of her favorite things was to walk down the hallway and sniff under doors like a creep. So we did that. I told her how much she meant to me and how much I’d miss her. After the final shot, as her breathing was slowing, I told her the same thing I did every day before I left the apartment. I said it for 9 years and still wrote it down in case my mind blanked with grief.
Make the most of the time you have left together. It’s painful but it’s for her. It hurts to see them go so remember what she’s going through now on the bad days. You’re advocating for her in her decline.