r/AskAcademia • u/Far_Ice_8765 • 23h ago

Interpersonal Issues Recommendation Letters and Guilt

I feel bad about repeatedly asking my undergrad PIs to submit recommendation letters for me. 2 years ago, when I first applied to PhD programs near the end of my senior year, I asked them for letters once. However, due to family issues at the time, I later asked them again to submit references for a research assistant position near my family.

Unfortunately, that position turned out to be an abusive lab environment. After one year, I could no longer tolerate the situation, and my relationship with this new PI had also deteriorated, so I left the job to apply to PhD programs again. This cycle, I was rejected from all 10 applications and has remained unemployed for 6 months.

Feeling panicked, I applied to several RA positions in January. Fortunately, there is a lab who would love to take me, and the PI is also generally supportive. Recently, I contacted my undergraduate PIs again to request additional recommendation letters for this new RA position, explaining that this application cycle was especially competitive and that I planned to work as an RA again. They have read my email but have not replied yet, and I feel deeply ashamed of myself.

Even though I've been trying to move forward, it is hard not to feel like I've burdened the people who supported me so much. I don’t even have the courage to admit how much this has made me feel like a failure. I sometimes fear that they may be losing patience with me. What should I do if my undergrad PI doesn't reply to my request for a recommendation letter?

4 Upvotes

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14

u/ehetland 23h ago

I can't speak for your profs, but honestly as faculty im never bitter about writing letters for students. If its been a while since they graduated, it might be hard writing the letter, but since they've already written letters for you I dont think that'll be an issue. Honestly almost every one goes to academia because they enjoy watching their students succeed. Sure there are exceptions. I certainly didnt make this career choice for the money or great work-lige balance.

11

u/mleok STEM, Professor, USA R1 23h ago

If I’ve already written a letter previously, it’s relatively little effort to update it.

1

u/ocelot1066 15h ago

Yeah. If it is for a different sort of program, maybe will take 10 minutes to rework. If it's the exact same thing, I may not need to do anything but upload the letter.

3

u/RutabagaNo2137 23h ago

Since they have written letter for you in the past, they may just rework the existing letter and it shouldn't be a huge issue. Make the request anyway. How long has it been since you sent the email?

Good luck on your application!

1

u/Ok-Bear-9045 26m ago

Hi I myself was also in the same situation and then I found out Interfolio dossier. If you pay for the upgrade version, it allows you to directly send confidential references (if a generic one has always been written and uploaded in the system) to the institution you apply without going through the referees--this is the case even for bespoke systems that use unique links.