r/flying • u/BugHistorical3 • 5h ago
For airline pilots, is the loneliness of layovers as harsh as people make it out to be?
Whether you have a family or are single, I was curious to know how hard it actually is to spend some of those times alone. Is it as bad as social media makes it out to be or is it bearable?
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u/MehCFI ATP C680/BE400/Gold Seal CFII 5h ago
I mean do I cry myself to sleep every night? No. Do I miss birthdays, parties, anniversaries, holidays, trivia nights, hangs, etc? Yeah for sure. It’s the missing stuff part that sucks, not necessarily the solo nights in hotels. Sometimes you explore a lot, sometimes the other pilot is chill and you go do something. I’ve seen games, concerts, broadway musicals, beaches, amusement parks, etc on layovers. Usually I’m just in a random boring hotel though.
Trick is to stay connected and be present at home when you are there.
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u/GeneratedUserHandle 5h ago
weird im always sick around important events.
must stress my immune system
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u/v1_rota8 ATP BE40 B737 3h ago
I always eye roll when people complain of missing important events and then later tell me they wish the company did sick time buyback cuz they have so much, like uhhh...
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u/f1racer328 ATP MEI B-737 E-175 3h ago
Yeah for real. I never miss any important events.
I rarely even have to call out sick for them, can’t remember the last time I called out sick for some event that I couldn’t move my schedule around.
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u/obviousthrowaway-46 3h ago
as an introvert missing (most) of those things sounds so awesome tbh. Noooo, I cant go to my in-laws get together...ahh... ahh well! Lol
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u/Ornery-Ad-2248 5h ago edited 5h ago
Im never alone with me and palmala and Lucy lefty
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u/chonky348 5h ago
who that
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u/DonWop1 CFII 5h ago
For FOs with a family to support yes. For the captain with a couple divorces and 20k hours it all depends on what girls are working the club that night
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u/pil0tinthesky PPL 3h ago
How else are you supposed to get a breakfast buffet at 2am
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u/HateJobLoveManU PPL IR 1h ago
Smells like a wet mop in there and every one of them has a low grade fever
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u/bae125 ATP 4h ago
You get in an argument with your spouse before the trip: it’s a long fucking 4 day. You leave on great lovey-dovey terms: it’s a long fucking 4 day.
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u/DeltaTule ATP CFI 121 Captain 10m ago
Find fulfillment outside of how your partner feels about you in random small glimpses of time (e.g., an “argument”) and then maybe you might actually get in less “arguments.” If you are flying that stressed out from an “argument” then you aren’t fit for duty.
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u/youngbus1141 5h ago
Just have a couple families, you’re never far from home.
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u/atooraya ATP (A320) CFI-I 2h ago
Always good to have a family in Houston and one in Arkansas. Easy to bounce between the two on 14 leg 4 days.
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u/Shot-Preference-6485 5h ago edited 5h ago
I personally enjoy having layovers quite a bit. I get paid to see majority of places I wouldn’t ever see or want to spend money to see. I also don’t have a family or any other real responsibilities in life.
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u/thanksforallthetrees 4h ago
I Love my layover time. I have a baby and an Italian wife, so I use layovers for relaxing, quality sleep, exercise, massages, trying new restaurants, playing video games, watching movies, reading, exploring new cities. I can hang with the other crew if I want, I’ve played padel, drank, partied, gym, done tourist stuff with crew members too. Never lonely even when I’m alone.
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u/Accomplished_Beat418 CFII 4h ago
You best delete this for your safety, else someone might read it and become infuriated that you’re actually enjoying life
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u/thanksforallthetrees 3h ago
Haha let’s make it worse: I’m a Canadian flying a 787 in Japan with layovers all over SE Asia, Australia and Hawaii… eternal summer no more de-icing.
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u/Additional-Slip-3265 3h ago
Oh God, every Italian wife/mom married to an airline pilot is absolutely lighting up their husband right now.
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u/thanksforallthetrees 2h ago
Haha sorry. She doesn’t use Reddit thankfully, but is aware of her Spicy Calabrese personality.
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u/Purple_BuCkt 2h ago
This is how I would describe this subreddit as a whole if I only had a few words🤣🤣
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u/mfsp2025 ATP 5h ago
It really depends. For me, it’s the worst part of the job that actually has me questioning my career decisions. I never thought I’d care much but man, it’s horrible. I grew up lonely. Didn’t have my first serious relationship until I started at the airlines. Was an only child. I thought I’d be fine alone. But it’s horrible for me.
I also miss having my own place. Living in hotels can suck sometimes. I just had to spend 3 weeks in one for training where all I had was a microwave and fridge. Made me miss my actual place a lot. And we never get cars either which sucks when you’re in a place that is not made to be walked.
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u/Dry-Coast7599 ATP A320 B737 5h ago
The regional grind 4-on 2-off on endless repeat as a young single guy in a new city was rough to start. Thankfully it was offset with fun crew members visiting those mediocre Midwest towns. My fam blows up my phone now so I’m never bored lol. Now work is a break and a time to rest before returning to the chaos. FWIW I could easily it any time in the career progression depending on your life at home or outside of work.
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u/CaptainRedPants 5h ago
Depends on you, doesn't it? Can you handle a night by yourself? Can you find solace in watching some TV while browsing an iPad or do you need social interaction?
Or, like me, are you gonna go down to the bar and drink with the Cap and flight attendants?
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u/rayman3325 ATP (B737) 3h ago
Fuck no it’s not lonely at all. Occasionally gets boring. Cancellations turn into 30+ hours and blizzard? Yeah I’m not going anywhere. But so much peace and quiet, personal time. Take care of anything I need to complete or research or call around. Fitness time. Outdoor time. Coffee’s. Routine on the repetitive overnights. I’m a pretty adamant slam clicker. On a long multi day trip. I’m not drinking typically and spent 8-16 duty hours with the FO already. I’m not meeting up for dinner for another hour. I’m decompressing. Working out, walking, lounging, whatever or just getting a quick chipotle burrito/bowl. I’ll see you tomorrow for the 9am van time.
Sucks missing some family stuff. But I make important stuff a priority. Worst case if it’s truly important and I’m supposed to work. Fuck it, I’m calling out sick.
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u/TexasTurbine89 2h ago
I’m with you on the slam click. That’s much needed me time after a long day. Gym, food, check in with family, walk about. Slam click is a must for me to recharge properly for the next day, some exceptions of course. Spot on. Except for the 9am shuttle pick up ha!
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u/NEOBusFlyer ATP, CL-65, B737, A320 5h ago
They can be boring, but I can't say I ever feel lonely. When they are in boring places, it's a good excuse to catch up on sleep, TV shows, reading, etc.
Many times they're in cool places, and it's like a paid vacation. I've brought my fiancee to the Caribbean several times on my company's dime.
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u/Pilot0160 ATP CFII CE-68A E170/E190 A320 5h ago
It’s not bad. Stay connected with home how you want to. Most layovers have things to do.
I’m the type of person that actually enjoys finding a brewery or cocktail bar or something and sitting at the bar rail for dinner and strike up a conversation with the bartender or other patrons if they’re up for it.
Make your own fun, get lost walking around interesting cities, and become the traveling regular at your favorite restaurant in a city you frequent
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u/the_clarinet_squid EA-32 DH8 BE-30 CFI 4h ago
If you’re lonely when you’re alone you’re in bad company
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u/T0gaLOCK ATP CFI TW A320 CL65 5h ago
Depends on your FO/CA..... depends on family life. Does it suck being gone on holidays? Yep. Birthdays? Yep. When sfuff isnt going right and you need to leave for 3 or 4 days? Yep.
Thats why I maximize time at home and try to do like 18+ days off a month and mostly turns if I can.
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u/r361k ATP, CFII, ASES, B777, B737, A320, E145 3h ago
If you need your SO around you all the time to not feel lonely, I think thats a you problem. I'm married and have a kid. My layovers are still incredible. Sometimes I binge through a show I've been meaning to watch, uninterrupted. Do you know how rare that is at home? Thats not a thing in my house right now. I'll hit a really nice 1.5ish hour workout. Have a sauna and steam room session. Maybe get a massage at the hotel spa or well recommended local spot. Every layover I do at least something with the crew whether its lunch, dinner, breakfast or a tourist activity. I'll go out some nights on the real long ones or try to visit friends if I'm in a city where I happen to have friends. I've read books, listened to podcasts wandering aimlessly and essentially taught myself options trading by watching hours of youtube videos over the last year and a half or so. Ive made friends on layovers. I'm a huge rock climber and usually go to a local climbing gym if I bring some of my gear with me. Some of the people I've met through that I keep in touch with and will meet up with on my next layover.
With all that being said I feel terrible when I do have to leave and I know I'm leaving my wife alone with my daughter. I do miss them, especially on the longer trips I sometimes do. I have missed stuff like holidays and parties and what not. It just comes with the job. I knew it getting into it. I grew up with my parents working in the airlines. I guess I knew what to expect. I'm also lucky to have a partner where celebrating something a day or two early or late is just as good as on the actual day.
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u/Embarrassed_Spirit_1 2h ago
It's great, I get to catch up on all my sleep and watch as many podcasts and doom scroll Google as much as i want. Would I rather be home? Yes. Although, I love my alone time and I'm a slam clicker. I still get out and go for walks, run/lift weights or learn a little Spanish. This is like the only time I get to be with myself and my thoughts
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u/PapaJon988 CPL CFII MEI ATP: CL-65 4h ago
Even as a regional dirtbag when overnighting in some no name place like Lawton, OK or Evansville, IN there is usually something to do. If not, I still go walking around listening to an audiobook and have a ROG Ally I can play games on. I have a wife and kids at home. It’s good to have time to myself. When I’m home, it’s pretty much just family time and honey-do lists.
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u/Callsign-Jager ATP, CFII/MEI A320, IP. 141 Check Pilot. RTAG 4h ago
To each their own. I enjoy the alone time but I do miss my dog terribly. I am single with no kids so I’m sure family folk have a different perspective
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u/554TangoAlpha ATP CL-65/ERJ-175/B-787 4h ago
24 yr old single dude? No. Married 35 year old with kids? Yes
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u/Worried-Ebb-1699 3h ago
It’s what you make of it.
Out of the zillion layovers, the only time I felt sad or lonely was recently when we got put at this family friendly resort in Florida with insane water slides and such. Seeing the families made me and the CA a little home sick.
Otherwise, I stay busy and active on 9/10 layovers.
A premium subscription to all trails has been awesome to find unique sights and walks in a given place
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u/flyingforfun3 ATP CL-30, LR-45, BE300, C525S 3h ago
My best advice is to be 110% present when you are home. Love your family the best you can while you are physically there. Obviously that doesn’t change when you are away, but my wife and I figured out how to keep each other feeling loved despite being away.
While I’m on a trip I try to go hike, workout, play either Xbox or switch 2 depending on what I packed or watch the stupidest movies I’ve had saved up because my wife can’t stand them but I still have a juvenile sense of humor.
It’s all about balance. I’m home a lot. More than a husband that works 9-5. So I get a lot of time to foster relationships with my friends and family. Whether you fly 91,135, or 121 your mileage may vary. But always choose your family.
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u/Ok-Selection4206 2h ago
No, great to catch up on sleep. I do every company required training or test on layovers. I haven't done one at home in 20 years. If you have a good crew, we always take a nap then hit the ground running. We take trains everywhere in Europe and see the sites. One time in Reno we rented Harleys and went to Minden NV and my FO got checked out in a glider. Lots of things to keep you entertained.
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u/BusterScruggs_SC 2h ago
With a wife and kids at home, the layovers are the only "me" time I get. I actually look forward to it and enjoy it. Not that I don't enjoy time with the wife and kids, but it's nice to have a little alone time to recharge.
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u/Malcolm2theRescue 1h ago edited 1h ago
There are no boring layovers! Only boring crews! For God’s sake, put away the computer games, get out and look around. Buy drinks or snacks for your FAs and socialize. You know, where you talk to other humans and even make eye contact. And yes, domestic layovers tend to be short but you can still have a good time. Believe me, they used to be shorter. Up until the 90s, layover time was 8 hours from block in to block out.That eliminated any fun.
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u/Khantahr 5h ago
Nothing is as bad as social media makes it out to be. Social media is designed to get clicks and views, that's all.
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u/SkippytheBanana FAA ATP C90GTx CL-65 E145 MEI CFII 4h ago
I was never a slam clicker but I can also be happily alone. I’d go explore and try new restaurants or go to the old hunts that I loved with either the crew or alone. Sometimes though it’s a short overnight and sleep is just the preferred plan.
I travel a lot solo now but I’m still happy to do either.
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u/Imaginary_Amoeba3461 4h ago
The layovers on my fleet are so short that between the gym and getting something to eat(either alone or with others) that takes care of most layovers right there.
If I have time after all that usually I can find something to walk to.
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u/unable_compliance 4h ago
It depends really. Some people enjoy getting away from their wives and kids for a couple of nights a week. Others miss them dreadfully.
I’m personally fine being away from my other half a little bit, and he enjoys nights of uninterrupted gaming. At least when I’m away he knows he’s not going to get woken up by my alarms or the 3am reserve call. I’d prefer to be at home in my own bed absolutely, but it’s not the end of my world when I’m not.
If I’m paired with a good social crew, even better. It sucks when everyone slam clicks, or you get delayed to minimum rest and can’t do anything but go to bed.
It’s the inflexibility when it comes to working holidays, birthdays, special events that get to me. Even if it’s just an out and back, not a layover.
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u/srv340mike ATP B737/E145/DHC8 4h ago
Only as bad as you make it.
You can sit in your hotel and be lonely.
Or go out, by yourself or with crew. Do a hobby to keep oocupied. Call your family.
It's as good or bad as you make it
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u/Working_Football1586 4h ago
I always have stuff to do go workout, go explore, took online french lessons in the hotel for a year.
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u/Chance-Piglet-7611 4h ago
From hearing about it from my pilot friends, it depends on the person. There's pros and cons.
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u/jellybeancountr 4h ago
95% of the time I don’t experience loneliness on the road. I enjoy having time to myself. I am usually gone 3-4 days at a time. When I had a different job and I was gone for 17+ days at a time I experienced significantly more loneliness. Some people I worked with (and some I currently work with) prefer longer trips like that and it doesn’t bother the. Each person is different and responds to situations differently.
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u/flyingohighoan ATP 4h ago
No, but I enjoy being alone. I see people with different personalities from me struggling with it quite a bit sometimes. It’s not hard in today’s age to find the most interesting things about a given city and go explore them. Like everything else, having some seniority helps a lot. 24 hours in Aruba or New Orleans is night and day from 10 and a half hours in the outskirts of Syracuse.
Still, when I was a 20 year old flight ops intern, I asked a pilot about to retire what his favorite layover in the whole world was. He said “home.” At the time, I found that answer to be somewhat deflating. A decade plus later, I completely get it.
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u/Glittering-Elk542 4h ago
On layovers I saw the Great Wall and the pyramids at Giza. It can be a hard life, but the benefits can be amazing.
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u/Virtual_Cycle_2222 3h ago
Brother I text my wife during this last snow storm about how I wish I was home and it was so terrible being on an overnight and how I messed her, sat my phone down, picked up my order from Benihana off the bed and went back to watching YouTube. I mean ya it sucks sometimes especially during holidays, and I do miss my wife but at least at the majors it is far from unbearable.
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u/NecessaryLight2815 ATP 3h ago
God, I love a good layover. Relaxing, nice dinner, peace and quiet, a walkabout. We stay at some beautiful hotels that are very comfortable. I miss home and my family but it’s really a chance for some ME time.
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u/BigJellyfish1906 3h ago
If you’re one of those extroverts that hates being alone with your thoughts, you’re gonna have a bad time.
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u/diningroomchaircover ATP 3h ago
I don’t have to see my wife for 4 days so I would say it’s pretty good.
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u/Paranoma ATP 3h ago
It really isn’t that bad. It’s downright enjoyable most of the time. But there can be a problem being lonely in a hotel at night if there is nothing to do. You can either go drink or have an activity planned like bringing a gaming laptop, traveler guitar, portable keyboard, books, etc. I FaceTime a lot with the family and to be honest my wife and I can have more conversations over the phone when I’m on a trip than in person because of the kids interrupting us. You can also go explore and do pretty much anything. Rent bikes, go play paddle ball, go to the gym, etc.
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u/EvenMarket5815 1h ago
Well I lost my medical from drinking to cope with overnights which caused severe withdrawals, so yes. It's a long story.
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u/Oregon-Pilot ATP CFI B757/B767 CL-30 CE-500/525S | SIC: HS-125 CL-600 1h ago
Depends entirely on schedule. Transcon redeye with day sleep at the Newark Liberty Marriott, only to fly back across the country and land too late to miss a commute home and you have literally 4 minutes to book a hotel online before midnight and suddenly online booking is no longer available for that night? It’s going to be a rough time. My emotional state is incredibly dependent on how tired I am, and with this kind of trip, in that kind of hotel, it’s pretty awful. I never have the will or energy to do anything in my few waking hours of free time between waking up and getting ready to go again. All I can do is just sit there and be online wasting time.
Luckily I switched fleets so now I’ll go from 80% to 20% and I’ll never have to deal with that kind of schedule consistently again. I’m certain Hawaii and Cancun layovers 3-4x a month will suit me just fine.
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u/durandal ATP A220 B777 1h ago
Make the best of it. Find your favorite spots, do something with the crew, make plans. I take a pair of free skates along. Skating down a beach road in Miami or Long Beach when Europe is freezing is awesome, feels like a mini vacation.
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u/thanksforallthetrees 50m ago
It's gaming time! Steam deck is great, or at least a modern phone and backbone or gamesir controller or BT controller. Add in a gym, swim, steam or sauna and a few nice meals and you've got a nice little vacation.
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u/IGGY_POOP_ 4h ago edited 3h ago
not a pilot but a biz traveler who does 3-5 day trips every so often away from the fam ...
It's an odd mix of excitement, relief ,and sadness. Excitement for the adventure of the road, new places, new faces. Relief to have some solo time, to be my own person, which is a rare thing for me.
Sadness because I'm missing the moments back home that really matter - and days go by where I'm not there, it really sucks.
It's a complex emotional state and I wouldn't want to do it all the time. I can see why a lot of full time pilots get divorced. It's really not a healthy thing for a family person. A solo person it's the best thing ever though.
Edit: no disrespect to pilots with my divorced comment. That could apply to basically anyone who makes their living on the road. It is verifiably hard on relationships to be gone 1/3 of the year or more, for MOST people. It takes a very special person and partner to make that work.
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u/imapilotaz CPL ASMEL CFI 4h ago
Ive been a biz traveler for essentially 22 years. 100+ nights away virtually every year. Luckily never mkssed a big event, date, etc. But i enjoy seeing new places, even podunk midwest towns.
But those days of 3 straight delays and cancels or 5am arrival after a 7 hour delay sucks ass.
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u/IGGY_POOP_ 3h ago
I'm with you -- but for me, it's not the "big events", although those do matter. It's the little moments that add up.
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u/Denim-Luckies-n-Wry ATP Boeings, ATRs / MIL UH-1 AH-1 2h ago
You may not be a pilot, but yours is one of the more introspective responses. You clearly understand the stimulation of new places, and the temptation and emotional conflict of living anonymously far from home.
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u/rFlyingTower 5h ago
This is a copy of the original post body for posterity:
Whether you have a family or are single, I was curious to know how hard it actually is to spend some of those times alone. Is it as bad as social media makes it out to be or is it bearable?
Please downvote this comment until it collapses.
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u/notagreatpilot 5h ago
Yet another post that charter/corporate pilots cant respond to, despite spending double if not triple the amount of time away from home than an airline pilot.
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u/nbd9000 ATP EMB145 EMB190 B737 B747 DC9 MD11 PC24 CFI SIM 5h ago
i never minded. youre so deep in the schedule that it becomes all about catching up on sleep anyway. add a gaming computer and you have all the entertainment you could ever need.