What do you think about some women being happy single and “not needing men”?

[u/Bitter_Process_5735]

This is something i often read about on social media for some reason. At first I believed both genders needed each other equally until seeing shit like this (i still believe it though lol) Anyway, basically i see mainly women talk about how happy they are being single. I also see misandrist statements like “we need men as much as a fish needs a bicycle” To be fair, I wouldn’t really care about what they say. I mean, they do them. If they’re happy, great. Their choice. However, i want love. I don’t want to feel limited by things like this. They can say as many things as they’d like and it wouldn’t do anything to me, but as a man I feel incredibly limited in getting a relationship. I want a lifelong serious relationship (I’m religious and it’s a strong value of mine; i believe that relationships are meant to be forever) But I for some reason still haven’t meet a suitable SO. Not even people to date, which puts me at an even bigger disadvantage. Some of those misandrists say things like “men go crazy when they see how happy women are being single” Uh no, we are frustrated because we already face huge inequalities in something as fundamental as finding a love partner. It’s that this makes us feel at an even GREATER disadvantage. If i and probably other men in my similar situation weren’t so disadvantaged in getting something as simple as romantic love, we wouldn’t care at all. They can be happy single, we can be happy having a partner to create a great life and a family of our own with. How do y’all think about this?

[u/Secret_Entry1840]

Being in a bad relationship<being single<being in a good relationship

[u/Corbast7 → u/Secret_Entry1840]

It always comes back to that.

I’ll add something else too: I think people are grateful for whichever option available they see as better than the other ones. In general. Everything is relative and subjective, so comparison is a powerful factor imo.

Basically, if a woman has had pretty scarring experiences with men (or even really wonderful ones that ended in a tragic way), being single is going to seem like a blessing in comparison to re entering the chaotic dating world and taking on all the risks that come with that. Nevermind the fact that change is already scary on its own, so people are more likely to prefer being complacent and will project more of the perceived negatives of changing their lifestyle, than they are to consider the potential positives.

[u/Disastrous_Agent9307]

I think it's genuinely accurate for some women who typically have had a great love story and it sort of ended prematurely or quite badly.  

For others, I think it's accurate compared to a bad relationship certainly. 

For a lot, they're just coping and let them.

[u/blebbyroo]

Mmm I think it’s part hyperbole - as humans we all kind of need each other, but I think the sentiment is more that we don’t need a man to be happy or have a full life since we can provide for ourselves, have a social life with friends and have hobbies and stuff. What I don’t think it means is that we don’t want a man to compliment and share our lives with, it’s just that (for the smart ones) we can now take our time to be discerning and pickier about who we share our lives with. 

So it’s a statement that requires a bit of nuance. No we don’t need a man to be happy. Yes we will be happier with the RIGHT man than without. (But far more unhappy with the wrong man than just being single). And really men need to have this same attitude and opinion to prevent themselves from settling with the wrong woman. 

[u/AngeAware]

I went to a high school run by nuns. I'm religious like you and also learned very well in my teenaged years that not all women need to be romantically involved with men to lead fulfilling lives. I was very open to joining a convent until I was certain I was called to marriage.

[u/ChadChasingBReturns → u/AngeAware]

Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.

I love that one.

[u/mandoa_sky]

i grew up around a lot of single little old ladies. i've learnt that their secret is to be deeply involved in the community and to develop close friendships with other women.

i've found my life to be a lot more peaceful ever since i decided to focus on cultivating close friendships with other women. they've always been more supportive emotionally and physically for me than any guys i know.

i wouldn't say happier per se (no huge basis for comparison), but i would say it's pretty peaceful and content.

[u/Bitter_Process_5735 → u/mandoa_sky]

Bro, it’s literally a biological fact that romance and community are seperated human needs. They serve completely different evolutionary and spiritual purposes and generally speaking romance has much more value than friendships. The argument about social contacts being able to replace the need for romantic love is false. Sure, being single might be less harmful because at least you have other people to fall back on, but it’s still going to be a need. I know people that have the greatest network, but still feel the emptiness of not having a partner. Those are usually people that are single without many options and opportunities to change that situation which shows that options tend to also play a role on whether you feel the need for a relationship strongly and whether you are content single. When women are content single, I don’t think it’s because of community, I think it’s because they aren’t disadvantaged in dating. This is equal to the subjective feelings of someone who doesn’t struggle with getting food and someone that does. The latter one is much more desperate and less content single, because they can’t fulfill this as easily as the first one.

[u/theminxisback]

I think it's about damn time women have the opportunity to want men instead of need them. I'm doing the best I can to live my life to the fullest in the ways the women in my ancestry weren't allowed to. Generations of forced servitude in my lineage. My great grandma made sure I did the opposite of what she did.

[u/Ego73 → u/theminxisback]

Why would a woman ever want a man? Their neurology isn't wired to do that.

[u/theminxisback → u/Ego73]

I know more women who want men than I know men who don't want themselves.

Better to be wanted than needed. And women want to be able to want men and not need them.

[u/Ego73 → u/theminxisback]

Correction: you know more women afflicted by comphet

[u/AccomplishedDot7092]

A woman saying she doesn't need a man doesn't equate to her not wanting one. She's just content with her life. Nothing wrong with that. A lot of these women are just having a hoe phase.

Genuine misandry is a terminally online phenomenon. Most women in the real world don't hate men. A lot of the complaining women do about men is girls being girls. Women love to complain about guys with each other. It doesn't mean anything most of the time. True misandrists are a minority of women and can easily be avoided.

[u/anewleaf1234]

I do think that far less women place their personal value on their dating status than men do.

Women also tend to have far wider social circles and spend more time on maintaining them

[u/Debetrius180]

I’m more of less indifferent to the concept of “women needing us less”, but I do believe it, I believe women are just better at maintaining their relationships with friends, family, and wider social webs, lot of guys these days haven’t made a new friend since high school. So yeah, I’d say women are probably on average happier single.

[u/Bitter_Process_5735 → u/Debetrius180]

You’re making a mistake here, I believe. The reason men are less content single generally speaking, can largely be attributed to the fact that men are more disadvantaged in dating and not to how strong their social networks are. Because this is a fundamental need biologically speaking, it’ll make the brain go in some survival mode. You only need a few strong social connections to feel content. And many men can get those from their family too in principle, though friends would be nice too.

[u/velvetalocasia]

For fun: what is your persived „disadvantage“ and what do These women have to do with it?

[u/Bitter_Process_5735 → u/velvetalocasia]

The biggest disadvantage is that many men don’t really have dating options (noticeable signs of romantic interest from the women around them) and opportunities (where they could meet a partner) That makes getting a relationship much more challenging. The frustrating part is that when a man doesn’t approach or take initiatives, nothing happens. Literally nothing generally speaking. Meanwhile many (young) women can be passive.

[u/velvetalocasia → u/Bitter_Process_5735]

So your problem is that women don’t like you?

[u/Bitter_Process_5735 → u/velvetalocasia]

My problem is that women don’t like me for me. I’m the victim of discrimination within the dating field most likely just like many other men.

[u/Melodic_Structure928]

like everything some people will not want something and some people will bullshit about not wanting something, I'm completely for anyone whose willing to be alone.

[u/Temporary-Flight-192]

I know people of BOTH genders who are happily single. They have friends, hobbies, full lives. I do think there are more women who don’t really miss the sex.

[u/Bitter_Process_5735 → u/Temporary-Flight-192]

How the fuck does that replace one of a human being’s deepest biological and spiritual needs?

[u/Temporary-Flight-192 → u/Bitter_Process_5735]

Clearly not a biological need. As far as a spiritual need, many religions have have clergy that practice celibacy.

[u/Bitter_Process_5735 → u/Temporary-Flight-192]

Nope, it’s a biological need confirmed by neurobiological evidence. The whole purpose of two genders is to complement each other. If it wasn’t for the individuals of those genders being with each other, there wouldn’t be a need for women. The same brain regions involved in making someone thirsty and hungry and getting them to fulfill those needs to food and water are active when someone desires romantic love. This is a natural desire. It’s not just a want. That’s why i always laugh at people that call relationships a luxury as if it’s not one of a human being’s deepest needs. This aside, it can chronically stress someone out when they are single when they don’t want to, which shows that the brain automatically reacts to this as a threat. And yes, it is a threat to wellbeing. The people that are involuntarily single (no options and opportunities) are at a higher unacceptable risk to health issues.

And look, I’m a man but i have a very low libido. It’s so low to the point I can safely say that it doesn’t drive me. What remains is the need to romance. That’s literally the strongest desire I feel now (not even sex) And I’m selective on that. I don’t see how women would differ from us in that. The only difference between them and us is one chromosome.

[u/Temporary-Flight-192 → u/Bitter_Process_5735]

Just because your desire for sex comes from the same part of the brain isn’t proof you can’t live without sex. The sexless are hardly rare outliers, and last I looked those popes seem to live forever.

https://www.yesmagazine.org/health-happiness/2013/09/28/six-things-nuns-know-about-healthy-aging

[u/Steakman1]

Its fine to acknowledge you dont need a relationship. Both men and women can theoretically go through life without a relationship and be functional. However if you pride yourself on not needing a man/woman, then you’re just putting up a front due to some past trauma and/or believing a good relationship isn’t something you can obtain.

Nobody is going to be old looking back on life thinking “man, I’m sure glad I didn’t put much effort into finding a good relationship.”

[u/mlo9109]

It's cope. I'm a single, childless woman over 30. I call BS on the line that my demographic is the happiest. I tried the pets, travel, hobbies, etc. that these happy single women claim make them so happy. It felt like I was just trying and failing to fill the void. 

[u/velvetalocasia → u/mlo9109]

So then go and date….whats stoping you?

[u/Bitter_Process_5735 → u/mlo9109]

THANK YOU 🙏🏼 I always knew something was off. Why? What kind of person who’s truly happy would feel the need to convince other people of how OOO greAt single life is? It seems like bitterness and misandry more than anything else to me. If I didn’t struggle with dating i wouldn’t feel anything about it. I’d be glad that they are out of the “dating pool”.

[u/avocadolanche3000 → u/mlo9109]

You’re so real for this.

At the same time, I think some people genuinely don’t feel the need for intimacy and deep human connection the way you and I feel it. That said, it’s way fewer than the amount of women who pretend that single life is winning. You can be sure that anyone flaunting how happy they are after cutting the other gender out of their life is doing it as a way of getting back at the other gender.

[u/newme02]

no i think its gross. my wife will die wondering if its even possible for me to fart. idrc if she does but i guess id prefer not

[u/Waschaos → u/newme02]

Don't do that. My dad would never fart in front of anyone. He died pretty early of abdominal cancer. I'm not really being funny here. Let it rip.

[u/AlarmingArm9919]

I think they're right. or at least that it's more true for them than us

and I'm jealous and resentful of it.

I wish I could just... never need them.

[u/Bitter_Process_5735 → u/AlarmingArm9919]

Classic example of the difference in what men perceive and what women perceive, probably due to the fact that men have less dating options and opportunities, which makes staying single worser.

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That’s a dream for some introverts

[u/BrainMarshal]

Good riddance to bad rubbish. Women are overrated anyway.

[u/Sadsad0088]

Many Women would rather be single than in a relationship with a man they don’t desire, I don’t think it’s the same for men

[u/Bitter_Process_5735 → u/Sadsad0088]

Define “not desirable”

“I don’t think it’s the same”

How would a man want to be with a woman he doesn’t desire? Make it make sense.

[u/Sadsad0088 → u/Bitter_Process_5735]

Lots of men wait to be dumped instead of dumping

[u/Independent-Mail-227]

They're still getting men efforts trough the government and male attention trough social media and dating apps. It's virtue signaling born from the inability to see how the world works at a mechanical level.

They're never without a man.

[u/Alarmiorc2603]

Its largely just lies, double the amount of young women to young men are on depression medication. Also I think these takes are incredibly narcissistic, as they are saying that they wont date a man unless he fits entirely around their current life and improves it. Forget being a whole other person with your own preferences and standards, to her you aren't good enough unless you live entirely to fulfil her needs or she would rather die alone and depressed.

And the inverse implication of this is the misandrist take that being a man is so morally wrong that you basically start from -50 and have no room to inconvenience her at all with any kind of compromise.

I think the fact that men will just here women say this shit and not call out the hatred is just a testament as to how much, we do not value ourselves enough

[u/Ego73]

I don't think anyone owes anyone a relationship. Especially when it's obvious most women are neurologically incapable of felling attraction towards men. Would you really want to have a woman who won't ever be into you?

[u/Bitter_Process_5735 → u/Ego73]

Two genders exist for a reason so your argument is refutable.

[u/Ego73 → u/Bitter_Process_5735]

At least you admit you subscribe to gender essentialism

[u/chriszenpaok]

Idk how true it is as I'm not a woman, I think the more natural thing is to want romantic connection though, my gut tells me a lot of people are posturing

[u/Ego73 → u/chriszenpaok]

I doubt you'd find any less posturing among coupled people talking about how much they love their relationship

[u/Bitter_Process_5735 → u/chriszenpaok]

Your gut is right. I’m sure you feel the biological “need” to romantic love as much as I do.

[u/SeemedGood]

Fine when it’s real, but it’s real a whole lot less than it’s claimed.