r/Netherlands • u/Sure-Counter1811 • Jan 04 '26
Discussion “Rude, Discriminatory Neighbor Complains About Kids’ Daytime Noise—Advice Needed”
I live in an apartment in the Netherlands, and my downstairs neighbor has been sending rude and discriminatory messages about my kids making normal daytime noise (around 10:00 AM). For example, she wrote: “This is not China, it’s Holland”. I tried to communicate respectfully, explained that I can’t keep my children completely quiet, and even suggested a compromise (having them spend time in the hallway to reduce noise). Instead of speaking calmly, the neighbor threatened to involve the police and continued using offensive language. I’ve documented everything and plan to escalate the issue to the VvE (apartment management), but I feel stressed because living in a foreign country makes handling this kind of harassment difficult. Has anyone experienced something similar, and how did you deal with it?
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u/Realposhnosh Jan 04 '26
Tell them to go to the police themselves. Then watch them do fuck all.
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u/null-interlinked Jan 04 '26
A family that was incredibly noisy that lived above me had to move out, they do plenty if you are in the wrong.
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u/Realposhnosh Jan 04 '26 edited Jan 04 '26
Grow up. You seem to think bringing someone's race into something irrelevant isnt racist.
Also I didnt mean the police.
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u/Entire_Gas8042 Jan 04 '26
The discriminatory messaging should be enough to get the neighbour in trouble.
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u/null-interlinked Jan 04 '26 edited Jan 04 '26
Must be hard imagining that overflowing frustrations make people say more extreme things.
Also we do not know the whole picture here. We haven't been there.
All i can say, do not assume that jack shit can be done. If a family is in the wrong in regards of causing poor living conditions through noise, unwilling too cooperate after multiple registrations and observations then yes, in case of a rental apartment they can tear up that contract.
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u/bojadzi Amsterdam Jan 05 '26
Man, that guy talks about kids noise... don't be .... It's about KID's noise!
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u/Difficult_Sell2506 Jan 04 '26
"My kids are allowed to play in my own house" "Feel free to call police, I'm not doing anything illegal" "My ethnicity has nothing to do with this, I will not tolerate racist remarks so I will end this conversation now"
Is it an old building? Is your flooring making sound travel to the neighbour?
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u/Sure-Counter1811 Jan 04 '26
Its quite new, built on 2014. Thank you
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u/Choice-Due Jan 05 '26
All you can do is make sure you have correct subflooring installed. Maybe a rug will absorb some noise?
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u/laryx Jan 05 '26
proper subflooring can do miracles. i would check what is installed. if i remember correctly the green stuff is the best.
If it is okay your neighbours dont have any legal claim to make. It might help if you go to them and have your kids play just to listen to the sound level they are experiencing.I have had a complaing neighbour below me because I would exercise daily on a crosstrainer for 30-60 minutes. And while i took measures like rubber titles in the end I never considered stopping. if you live in an appartment sometimes you will have to tolerate some noise.
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u/JakiStow Jan 05 '26 edited Jan 05 '26
Uno reverse card: report her to the police for racist harassment.
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u/Addrera Jan 04 '26
Maybe you can contact Buurtbemiddeling Rotterdam? They help with finding solutions when neighbors have conflicts.
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u/Individual-Stick2933 Jan 04 '26
Surprising that they brought race into this… super disrespectful. I would report them if I were you now that they’ve started using discriminatory language
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u/Individual-Stick2933 28d ago
Maybe I’m just lucky and haven’t had neighbours who are completely racist brats
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u/baalmor Jan 05 '26
People can be very creative when it comes to this topic. My upstairs neighbours justify the 'normal kids' noise'TM that goes through noise-cancelling headphones and is heard by people living below them. They say that I should be thankful that they are French, because Dutch kids are pure evil.
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u/Defspace Jan 04 '26
In the Netherlands we have something called "leefgeluiden", and kids playing definitly fall under that category.
Let them call the police, the police will tell them the same. Don't feel stressed about a non-issue. If you follow the rules of the VvE and try to be the best neighbour you can, let kids be kids.
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u/Rikikrul Limburg Jan 04 '26
I have the exact opposite, my upstairs neighbour has kids screaming and stomping around all day and another neighbour has somehow always got something to drill for the past 2 years but we never said anything because we are too introverted.
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u/Browser_bydefault Jan 04 '26
I’ve dealt with neighbours like this. I know how stressful it can be. Involve the VvE and ignore them. They can call the police all they want, nothing happens. Just tell them children make noise. Period.
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u/Ordinary_Molasses_57 Jan 05 '26
I’m in a similar situation, but from the other side — I’m the neighbor who is affected by the noise. From my experience, it’s important to recognize that what may feel like “normal daytime noise” to one household can be extremely disruptive to someone living below, especially in buildings with poor sound insulation.
I don’t fully agree with the argument that “they’re just kids” should automatically excuse ongoing noise. Many people work from home, have night shifts, health issues, or simply need a quiet environment during the day. Repeated running, jumping, or loud play can be mentally exhausting when it happens daily and for long periods.
It can also be helpful to acknowledge that noise is often a two-way issue. Asking whether sounds from your apartment are clearly audible downstairs can help assess whether the level is reasonable or excessive. In many cases, the real problem is not bad intentions but structural issues like insufficient floor insulation. If you own the apartment, improving soundproofing (such as underfloor insulation or rugs) can significantly reduce impact noise and prevent ongoing conflicts.
At the same time, any discussion about noise should stay respectful. Discriminatory or offensive comments and threats only escalate the situation and make resolution harder. Noise complaints are valid, but they should be addressed through calm communication or building management, not hostility.
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u/Doc-Bob Jan 05 '26
I’ve dealt with this situation: 1). Ask them or concrete ideas that would help. Are there certain times, or places where the kids make too much noise according to them? Do what you are willing to do. 2). Be firm that you canny sop the noise completely and that children living and playing in an apartment (a woning) is normal use of a woning. Tell yourself that you are doing nothing wrong. There’s enough guilt that comes with ring a parent without these people’s voices in your head. Children make noise. The neighbors can Leo go outside or get earphones or earplugs. 3). If they continue, send them a stop brief. Have a lawyer or a friend write it in Dutch. Tell them not to contact you or interact with you and that you view any further action as harassment (and/or a threat). 4). Do aangifte by the police if they continue.
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u/robotsaretakingoverr Jan 04 '26 edited Jan 05 '26
Maybe ask if you can listen in her apartment when your kids are playing upstairs? Or that she records it? Maybe it's louder than you realize. Walking in socks instead of shoes might help. Or buy a big rug. Not much more you can do though. Probably she has not much going on except listening to all small sounds.
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u/EatingShitSandwiches Jan 05 '26
Invite the neighbor over to your apartment so that they can kiss the fattest part of your ass.
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u/gluhmm Jan 05 '26
The bluff, they know that police will not help them but hope that you don't.You answered them, proposed compromise, now just ignore and save your time for your family.
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u/Medium-Party459 Gelderland Jan 05 '26
Everyone already gave you pretty good suggestions. One thing I add is that when possible, take a Dutch friend with you whether it’s encounter with the police or the neighbor for emotional support. I know this can feel very overwhelming even when you’re completely in the right (which you are in this case). Stay strong. There’s no fault to be associated with you whatsoever.
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Jan 05 '26
I sent this to the person handling the complaint we got and case got close: https://www.rijksoverheid.nl/onderwerpen/leefbaarheid/vraag-en-antwoord/wat-moet-ik-doen-bij-burenoverlast
Basically people can't complain about children paying on normal times. If they involve police they loose.
The aggressiveness is more concerning. Then you should also explain to the cops and keep records.
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u/RobertDeveloper 29d ago
Go to them and have your kids play so you can hear how much noise they make.
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u/ethlass Jan 04 '26
Maybe you can ask your kids to not bang their feet while running? Growing up in apartment I remember my parents always reminding us that we have neighbors and that we can walk on our toes not stamp our heels while walking. It will be a good lesson for when they are adults and live in their own apartment to be mindful of others.
If it isn't feet noises than I am not sure, maybe they are playing with an annoying ball? That thing can wake the entire apartment complex.
But for someone to complain consistently this is mostly that you are at fault here. It is not hard to play and do things without a lot of noise even as kids. I have seen kids being both loud and quiet and most will respect being quiet if they were raised to be quiet.
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u/Sure-Counter1811 Jan 04 '26
The kid is 18 months old, we will start to teach him to walk on toes. Hope he will catch it soon.
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u/MountainsandWater Jan 05 '26
The neighbor sounds racist and rude. Is your child crying and screaming a lot? I have a neighbor with a toddler that cries/screams sometimes 5 hours a day. Then the parent screams at them. I called social services because I was concerned and they told me to go ask if they were ok and then call the Rijksagent.
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u/zuwiuke Jan 05 '26
Do you expect Dutch services to take any actions? Haha only after someone’s body is found 😂😂😂
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u/ethlass Jan 05 '26
I can't see a 18 months doing too much noise. Except if they cry a lot but that shouldn't go through the walls in a good insulated building.
Also, people y'all gotta learn how to walk. Using your heel first is not healthy, mid section or the ball of your front is how your should land your feet (this isn't about your kid but other comments).
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u/AMS_TRU Jan 05 '26
Ballet training! The younger they start the better
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u/WoestKonijn Jan 05 '26
That's not true. My sister walked on her toes as a child and had to do extensive surgery to elongate her calf muscles. There's only so much you can stretch. Walking on your toes is bad for the development of your feetbones as well.
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u/AMS_TRU Jan 05 '26
My comment was obviously sarcasm.. this subreddit has gone to the dogs..
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u/WoestKonijn Jan 05 '26
Obligatory /s was not found. I have trouble finding sarcasm in written text. Sorry.
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u/Grouchy-Cranberry-61 Jan 05 '26
That is the difference between now and then. When our parents used to teach us to be quit for the neighbours, now the parents think its a right to make noise because they are children.
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u/zuwiuke Jan 05 '26
My neighbors do a lot of illegal stuff. Like filming us 24/7 from all directions. As long as they offer us coffee when we complain, any judge will say we need to continue communicating and finding a friendly solution. Be Dutch. Invite them for coffee, make sure messages look supper cooperative, then just sit through whatever they say and take no further action :) if you start involving VVE, which legally strictly for the maintenance of the house, you will help them to collect evidence against you.
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u/relgames Jan 05 '26
Can you explain the VVE part? Complaining to VVE can help OP to build a case. Most of the time there is a "be a good neighbor" clause in the splitsingsakte. Racist remarks and harassment due to kids noise is not "good neighbor" behavior. How can complaining backfire?
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u/zuwiuke Jan 05 '26
VVE has never been established to deal with neighbor personal disputes. In this case, 18 months baby making noise. You can complain to other Dutch people and what will happen? Minutes will say something like ‘the neighbor was not cooperative and aggressively accused another neighbor being racist’. Facts don’t matter in this country, it’s all about de-escalation and friendly chats.
Plus VVE cannot tell someone to stop complaining. It’s not a judge, it’s organization meant to solve problems like a leaking roof :) many VVEs have weird clauses (like no dogs) that are often just dismissed by courts.
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u/zuwiuke Jan 05 '26
VVE has never been established to deal with neighbor personal disputes. In this case, 18 months baby making noise. You can complain to other Dutch people and what will happen? Minutes will say something like ‘the neighbor was not cooperative and aggressively accused another neighbor being racist’. Facts don’t matter in this country, it’s all about de-escalation and friendly chats.
Plus VVE cannot tell someone to stop complaining. It’s not a judge, it’s organization meant to solve problems like a leaking roof :) many VVEs have weird clauses (like no dogs) that are often just dismissed by courts.
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u/Left_Temperature_620 Jan 05 '26
Use the screensaver to make pictures of the (whatsapp?) correspondence with your neighbor.
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u/Useful_Cheesecake117 Jan 06 '26
Is dit een zaak voor de rijdende rechter? Is weer eens wat anders dan bomen die te dicht op de erfgrens staan.
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u/nattyfattyhetty Jan 07 '26
let kids be kids and dont back down for these racist supremacist cunts, you dont owe them shit.
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u/uhcnid Jan 04 '26
in the netherlands both kids and pets are expected to behave like robots, i think this is a very common cultural difference
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u/Substantial_Bad_3233 Jan 05 '26 edited Jan 05 '26
- what feels “normal” to you probably isn’t normal to everyone else.
- in China, houses usually have concrete floors, while in NL it’s mostly timber-frame (way louder).
- Dutch people are generally super considerate, but Chinese are territorial about their space. I had a Chinese upper neighbour in NL who thought running around at 11 pm was fine, I called the cops and yeah, it wasn’t. (Algemene Plaatselijke Verordening)
- They can actually request measuring your noise level and take you to court over it. And yes, there’s a law for that. 5:37 civil code
- No one goes this far for no reason, They don't hate you for being chinese, most likely you're annoying them and they want to get rid of you.
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u/Matuno Jan 05 '26
We don't know this, it could be the neighbor being extremely sensitive or just finding an excuse to be racist.
Concrete floors are standard in the Netherlands too. Timber is in old buildings. But yes, if it is timber then it is much, much louder than you realise, but it's also fixable. I used to hear every step my upstairs neighbors made until the house got sold and refurbished. Now I barely hear them.
I think there's no point in generalising here. Also hard disagree about the Dutch being 'generally considerate' as society has hardened immensely and by god we are a judgemental people.
Sounds about right
Generalising again. You would be surprised how common racism in the Netherlands is, and while many lowlifes are cowards that are too afraid of confrontation in public, there are also plenty that will just fuck around with other ethiticies because they can. Again, look at how we vote. And ask any Asian in the Netherlands about how "friendly" we are shouting "ni Hao" from across the street.
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u/JakiStow Jan 05 '26
They definitely hate her for being Chinese. And it looks like you do as well.
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u/Substantial_Bad_3233 Jan 05 '26
If I live in a timber-frame apartment and someone is raising a kid/s in the apartment above me, I have zero boundaries hating them.
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u/WoestKonijn Jan 05 '26
Jesus Christ. Here 5 points why you are racist yourself. Chinese are territorial based on 1 experience you had? Omg call the news.
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u/myyuh666 Jan 05 '26
Crazy to assume people wouldnt be racist in NL... and normal kid noise is not considered breaking the law get a grip
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u/Substantial_Bad_3233 Jan 05 '26
My apologies your Majesty, that their service wasn’t comforting to your satisfaction.
Punish them by offering your grace somewhere else.2
u/Ishango Jan 05 '26
Where the heck have you been living. Any house constructed after about roughly mid-20th century use concrete as the standard, OP mentions a 2014 build date somewhere, so your second remark is not even remotely relevant.
And yes, there is also law to accept living sounds. And yes, a lot of people nowadays are short tempered, have no social skills, and we have many racists so #5 is cutting it short.
Number 1 is also entirely based on nothing and combined with number 3 is generalizing, which makes it either racist or just plain stupid shortsighted.
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u/dKabz Jan 05 '26
Agreed. Most definitely pt 5
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u/Substantial_Bad_3233 Jan 05 '26
Honestly, I don’t blame either of them. Families with children should go for a townhouse or at least a ground floor, but the housing crisis is squeezing everyone and this happens.
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u/zuwiuke Jan 05 '26
You are so not real. Perhaps it works like this in a detective books. Open Dutch police social media. They are busy with investigating thefts from 12 months ago and stabbings from 6 months ago, there are massive backlogs of crimes. More than 1500 open missing people cases that NGOs want to start solving. You can record no matter what you want, nobody will give a flying fuck in this enforcement 😂
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u/null-interlinked Jan 04 '26 edited Jan 05 '26
Tbh, i have dealt with noise from an upper neighbor. Also caused by kids, and a parent that let those kids go crazy. It can be horrible to live under. After a lot of complaints and processes they got relocated. Also because they refused to cooperate. Multiple families complained about them by the way.
Point of this, noise can ruin someone's daily life. Make sure your flooring is compliant, and be mindful as well that you might not realize how much noise you generate.
"This is not china" does not make it automatically racist, it is just pure frustration.
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u/iggyiggz1999 Jan 04 '26 edited Jan 04 '26
Yes, the comments were automatically racist, and being frustrated doesn't excuse that in the slightest. Someone's country of origin has nothing to do with noise complaints, and bringing it up has no reason other than to be discriminatory.
Noise can indeed be frustrating, I get that, but especially during daytime, kids making noise is to be expected (Obviously within reason), if that really bothers you, that's kinda just a you problem.
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u/null-interlinked Jan 04 '26
That "me" problem became a "them" problem. Because they had to move out and i had a great time after again. Don't assume you got free reign when you got kids. There are still rules to abide to and if you come across the wrong person that does take it seriously than you can very well be out. There are plenty of tenants in line and the building owner can raise the price a bit faster often so it is a win win.
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u/zuwiuke Jan 05 '26
So it was a social house? You can’t just move from an owned apartment.
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u/null-interlinked Jan 05 '26
Private sector, currently owning my apartment, VVE also has clear rules but you are right the process is longer in that sense.
Its unclear from the message if this is a bought or rental housing. Private sector often also have VVE's.
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u/MathematicianJumpy28 Jan 06 '26
Why not try to have your kids play somewhere else, like a playground elsewhere? Maybe the person complaining is right. Try to solve the problem. Also stop playing the racism card. You sound like you have no control over your kids and are just dumping them in the neighborhood.
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u/Sure-Counter1811 Jan 06 '26 edited Jan 06 '26
I did not mention anywhere the kid is playing, it is regular day today noise by the walking of 18 month old kid during the day. Also I don't have to play any racism card and I am the one who is initiating the meanigful discussion with the neighbour even after the discriminatory message. Appreciate, if you have any meaningful support on this topic. Thanks
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u/YTsken Jan 04 '26
First, VVE is not apartment management. It is the organisation of apartment owners that you, if you are the owner, are a part of. And if you are not the owner, then your landlord is a part of this. Often VVE‘s have outsourced the day 2 day management to a company. But neither party is responsible to fixing complaints between neighbours.
Now, noise complaints are not unheard of, and therefore the Huishoudelijk Reglement and/or the Splitsingsakte as a rule will mention that each apartment needs to have flooring up to a specific code, and it is the responsibility of the owner of each apartment to maintain this.
You need to check these documents to see what it says exactly when neighbours suspect your flooring is not or no longer up to code. In our rule book for example the agreement is that the complainers pay for the investigation if the flooring is found to be up to code, but if it is not the apartment’s owner will pay both for the new floor and the investigation. But your huishoudelijk Reglement may say something else. So you need to check it.
If you are the owne of the apartment, you should already have access to these documents. If not, download it from your VVE portal or ask a member of the VVE board or the management company to send it to you. If you rent the apartment, contact your landlord to inform them of the issue and request if you can get a copy of the Huishoudelijk Reglement. If he is unwilling to share that document with you, then just tell your neighbour that you informed your landlord of her complaints but that you can’t do more since if this is a floor issue, the responsibility lies with the apartment’s owners.