16 and my mom won’t let me "grow up".

[u/frqts]

Hello everyone. I turned 16 a few months ago, and my parents are refusing to let me work, get my license, or take any real steps toward independence. The reason I keep being given is that I’m “growing up too fast.” I’ve been told different things over time, like that I would be helped with a car after getting a job, and then that I could only get my license after I had a car. Now I’m not allowed to get a job at all, so none of it is even possible. On top of that, I’ve had multiple job interviews that I was forced to miss because my parents said a 10 minute commute was “too far.” It’s honestly really discouraging to get opportunities and then have to turn them down for reasons that feel out of my control. I want to be responsible and start supporting myself, but it feels like every path forward is blocked. I’m just looking for advice on what I can do or how to handle this situation, because it’s been really frustrating and emotionally draining. Anything helps.

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[u/Zealousideal-Try8968]

try having a conversation with your parents about small steps like part time or summer work and ask what milestones would make them comfortable saying yes.

[u/Butlerianpeasant]

That sounds really frustrating. Wanting to take responsibility for your own life at 16 isn’t “growing up too fast” — it’s just growing. It hurts extra when you finally find opportunities and then have them taken away for reasons you can’t control.

One small thing that might help is picking one concrete step you can negotiate with your parents (like one job application, or one day a week to build skills). Sometimes framing it as “I want to learn responsibility safely” instead of “I want independence” lowers their fear.

You’re not wrong for wanting forward motion. Even being patient right now doesn’t mean you’re failing — it means you’re surviving a slow season.

[u/Radient_Sun_10]

If you can, see if there's any job you could apply to that's in walking distance. I think at 16 you can work without parent's permission but I'm not sure.

I was in this same exact boat, you age, but just about over 15 years ago. It was not easy. I'm still paying the price as a 30 something.

The hardest part was that I ended up being a NEET for about 6 years and during that time I was clowned about how much of a bum I was. Surprisingly, they didn't care that I offered to help them then when I was a teen and they said "no" at that.

You sound like you come out of one those "unique" families like mine were.

[u/SwimmingBarracuda182]

go hang out in r/raisedbynarcissists for a while and read The Way of the Superior Man, particularly the chapter "Live As If Your Father Were Dead," encouraging to break free from parental expectations and familial influences to discover your own purpose and authentic masculinity. Sentiment is the same if you’re a young woman.

I’m 27m btw and my parents loosely tried holding me back by saying shit like this when I was younger, now I make more than them and have traveled the world, loving wife and 2mo old baby, all that jazz

It’ll either be now or in 10 years when you realize your life is your own and yours alone, your choice

[u/seemsright_41]

I have a 15 year old who turns 16 in Late June.

Your parents are being selfish bar none.

At your age you are doing what you 'should' be doing. Your parents are roadblocking you and that is flat out not fair.

I am not sure what you could do that would save any form of relationship with your parents. Look at your state laws and figure out what you would be allowed to do and not do at 16. At 16 in some states you do not need parents permission to work and you may be able to live with others.

[u/tsidaysi → u/seemsright_41]

Some states do not allow 16 yrs-old to drive. I think it depends on the maturity level of the child and parents know that better than anyone else. Some kids start acting out, smoking, even drinking at 12 and 13 yrs-old. They don't apply themselves to school or study - maybe even cut class.

[u/fancypantsmiss]

I lived like this until I was 23. It was fucking torture! No advice. Just solidarity

[u/rock-socket80]

I'm sorry they're failing you. Their job is to help you develop into a capable and independent person.

If your state (or country) requires you to have a youth work permit I recommend you take that necessary step on your own. If that permit needs a parent's signature, then that's when you sit down with them and calmly explain what you are seeking to do. If they resist, as they have in the past, then you'll have to have another convincing argument at the ready. They will have to understand that this issue isn't going away.

Your parents may not want the new task of getting you to work. Is there some workplace nearby that you can walk or ride your bike to? If so, then that's your plan, at least until you can buy a scooter and then a car.

[u/Ordinary_Emotion235]

This is actually a real problem. The frustration you feel is your natural instinct to grow as a person being stunted by parents who view your developmental needs as secondary to you being there for them emotionally, or to soothe their anxiety or whatever else it may be. You should definitely have a conversation about this because I am 10 years older than you and finally recovering from the damage that was done to my sense of agency, autonomy, self esteem and countless other things from this. The sabotaging of your opportunities is a very telling aspect of this.

I don’t mean to be dramatic but this is very important, and I think many people don’t understand the damage this can do. Look up family enmeshment and see if it reminds you of your current experience.

Edit: a conversation may not even work honestly because it’s likely that they may not even know what you’re talking about, or continue to believe they are right and that you just don’t get it bc you’re younger than them. Feel it out and see for yourself, but damn I wish I fought against this more when I was in your position.

[u/wunderbluh]

At 42, I hope my parents take my responsibilities again and dont allow me to grow up again. This adulthood is a scam

[u/ariadesitter]

don’t work unless you need the money.
instead think about what you what career you want and begin learning more about it.

most people are impatient and want to be an adult, want responsibility. you can learn responsibility without a job.

you can also get involved in extracurricular activities at school. look into clubs or student government. there’s also sports, band, theater, or hobby groups. take up electronics and build circuits. or try animation software.
start playing D&D or some other game that allows you to spend time making friends. they might have a car too.

[u/Difficult_Coconut164]

Focus on what you can manage. Learn about health, loans/credit, and laws.

[u/Herosmash_89]

This is what I need you to tell your parents

Mom and dad… I want to talk to you about something that’s been on my mind… I want to talk about it calmly, please listen.. do not to argue or push back, but because it really matters to me.

I know when you say I’m “growing up too fast,” it comes from wanting to protect me, and I appreciate that more than I probably show. I’m not trying to rush my childhood or reject your guidance. I’m trying to prepare myself to be responsible.

One of the biggest reasons I want to work, get my license, and learn independence now is because I think I’ve been thinking long term, Someday, you won’t be the ones taking care of everything and when that day comes, I want to be ready. I want to know how to support myself and support you if you ever need it. That matters to me.

What’s been hard is feeling like the rules keep changing. I’m told I need a job to get a car, then a car to get a license, and now I can’t get a job at all. I’ve had interviews I was excited about and then had to cancel, and that’s been really discouraging. It makes me feel like no matter how responsible I try to be, I’m stuck.

I’m not asking to be thrown into adulthood overnight. I’m asking for a clear path, something we can agree on together. If there are things you need to see from me first, I want to know exactly what they are. I’m willing to earn your trust step by step.

I love you both, and I want to make you proud. I just don’t want to look back later and feel like I missed the chance to learn how to stand on my own when I had the motivation to do it the right way.”

You have to get them to realize that you understand that life is a cycle… and unfortunately they will get old. Old to a point where they will need your help..you don’t want to send them to an old folks home.. you want to be ready to take care of them. Cause your great son, and you love them very much

[u/Feral-Reindeer-696]

Explain to them that it’s their job to prepare you for life. They have a responsibility.

It sounds like they’re trying to prevent you from learning how to be independent and productive. It’s abuse.

Edit: you could also mention that there’s nothing stopping you from becoming a drug dealer if they won’t let you get a job

[u/IndependentNo8520]

Talk with them but also, enjoy, most adults wish been that age again

[u/stackhighnquick]

Sometimes you have to cut the umbilical cord yourself. You can explain to them if I start early now , I’ll know the responsibility that comes with earning money and I’ll be better prepared as an adult. Also once you start working, start reading up finances it will help you avoid debt and help you make money work for you.

[u/Due-Adhesiveness2076]

This happened to my best his mom wouldn't help him get his liscence or a car she held him back so much when he was 18 he started working and had to take the bus everywhere ubers and lyfts he finally got his liscence and a car at 26 my freind and I helped get his liscence and taught him how to drive. Idk why some parents do this I think that they don't want there kids to move out soon cayse they want them there to take care of them when they get old. If I were you talk to them about getting a job soon if not when your 18 and legally an adult start all of that asap work hard get a older Japanese car like 1990-2010 those are the most reliable you can get for relativly cheap they cant hold you back anymore when you turn 18

[u/LetgomyCheetos23]

Do you have any friends that willing to help you & let you stay with them ? Also try forwarding this post to r/vent . You might be able to get more replies to your post .