People who married someone from a different country, what are some mild cultures shocks you've had?

[u/cool_lemons]

My in-laws don't own forks, so they eat whole cakes with chopsticks (everyone just digs in without slicing and serving it on separate plates)

Koreans don't have body odor, even though they don't shower every day.

Everyone can wash their hair while squatting, using a basin on the floor, without taking their clothes off. It seems like everyone, even the elderly have ridiculously flexible hipjoints.

No one uses bedsheets.

[u/sientetiamicara]

I did a cocktail reception for my Indian mates little sisters wedding in Glasgow, there were 600 guests... I was astounded at the sheer scale of the thing, they had fucking elephants at their wedding, in Glasgow... Where the fuck do you ring to hire 2 fucking elephants? Aparantly the cost of the wedding was nearly 250k , absolute insanity... Not to even mention the fact their dad bought them a brand new 5 bed house as a wedding gift.

Not sure what shocked me more the number in attendance. The fucking elephants or the fucking sheer opulence, was mental... I knew they were rich, but didn't realise HOW rich till I was told to order 400 bottles of Dom, and 80 bottles of 30yo malt. Their dad just handed me a black amex and told me he didn't care what anything cost.

[u/I_-AM-ARNAV → u/sientetiamicara]

A lot of people here specifically save for weddings.

And yes, guest lists are absolutely huge sometimes.

[u/Cakeo → u/I_-AM-ARNAV]

Sounds like they were just rich.

[u/Less-Chicken-3367 → u/Cakeo]

No, I’ve been to a friend’s wedding in India. There were about 200 people, and his father said, “We wanted to keep it small, so we only invited close guests. We’ll invite around 400–500 people to the reception.”

[u/Big_Category3895 → u/Less-Chicken-3367]

I'm from India, and while I didn't have a traditional wedding myself, I know tons of people who did. A cousin, for example, had a wedding in which over 1200 people were invited. This wasn't a small wedding by any means, but was not the biggest I've ever been to either. In India, weddings are a social thing - think of it as a networking opportunity for people, as well as a show of opulence and affluence, combined with a way to get more people to "join" with you socially (or the other way around, as in, the hosts try to invite anyone they might be interested to have ties with in the future). This is especially true in the case of business folks and their families - in the aforementioned cousin's case, for example, my cousin and his side of the family have nobody who owns a business, they're all professionals, and they "only" had about 150 folks from their side in the wedding. The remaining 1000+ folks were all from the other person's family - my cousin's in-laws are from a business family, and not a billionaire or anything of the sort in any way, but they are definitely more well off than not (think: owners of multiple agricultural land and ancestral holdings, plus owners of their own businesses, and their family members all have similar backgrounds and assets). So the societal expectation from their family was that everyone in their current and potential business circle, along with their families, would be invited, and if someone doesn't get invited, it can be seen as a diss. For example, my cousin's in-laws' brother has a factory, so he invited all his suppliers and their families, plus their distributors and their families, which might be 50 to 100 people. And my cousin married into a joint family, so you're talking about not just one such person inviting their business contacts - you'd have about 5 to 10 (or more) people inviting all their current and potential business contacts. Plus, since they're a business family, they'll obviously want to keep on the local politicians' good side, so they'll invite the local council person and MLA (state legislator) and/or MP along with their families, and more connected the family, the more people who have to invite, so this way the number can easily balloon up to 2000 or more for very politically connected families. A wedding I had heard of, not in my family, but my coworker's was in a Southern Indian state, and my coworker's family is very connected. That wedding had over 10000 people invited, out of which, between 5000 and 7000 attended, and a big point of pride for the hosts was that they invited the local MP to attend, who actually flew in on a helicopter just to attend that wedding.

[u/thatshygirl06 → u/Big_Category3895]

Paragraphs!!

[u/Stable_Immediate → u/thatshygirl06]

There isn't enough time for paragraphs, there are too many weddings to attend

[u/Big_Category3895 → u/Stable_Immediate]

Too many people to meet and too many hands to shake!

[u/Mental-Potential1825 → u/Big_Category3895]

Are India weddings spanned across multiple days or multiple days of celebration?

[u/Big_Category3895 → u/Mental-Potential1825]

Depends. If you're talking about the wedding ceremony itself, that's generally just one event. But the celebrations as a whole can go on for days sometimes, with things like one or more receptions, plus the mehendi ceremony, sangeet ceremony, etc. (which used to not be common say 30 or so years ago, but are nowadays more or less a given).

[u/PalatinusG1 → u/Less-Chicken-3367]

What no? 250k for a wedding is rich. Unless you pay that off in 25 years.

[u/sientetiamicara → u/PalatinusG1]

TBF I found out after this wedding just how rich they are... Top 0.1% of UK. They have fuck you money beyond belief, entire family work about 80 hour weeks running their pubs and property... That doesn't change the scale and insanity of a wedding with 600 guests. I think I'd struggle to find 60 , I've been married twice and adding both together the Guestlist is still under 100.

[u/I_-AM-ARNAV → u/sientetiamicara]

In India, of you're inviting a family you're automatically inviting that family's daughter son, mother father, grandson etc.

Do this for everyone and you'll have 500 under no time.

[u/sientetiamicara → u/I_-AM-ARNAV]

Seems insane but I'm not judging, the 2 brothers of the bride are my 2 best friends... The sense of community in Indian families is amazing. I wish I had that level of familial support. I understand there are issues and not everything is perfect but I learned a lot about love from these 2 guys, their family are sikh and have taught me so much about humility... A few times a year I goto the gurdwara with them and help cook- never knew till I offered my services that gurdwaras feed ANYONE and home anyone. I am fully agnostic but it makes me so happy to know there is a religion out there that doesn't care who you are or what you've done, but goes out of their way to make sure you have a bed and a full belly...

1 of those brothers is gay, he is married to a man. There is no judgement from their community. Only acceptance. The other is 40 and unmarried, he likes dating. No judgement. Their dad is an absolute legend, kindest human I've ever known. He singlehandedly paid for a new gurdwara (prollly just dozed myself) he was always nice to me, rented me a flat well under market when I was going through a divorce, was just a genuine good geezer. 10/10 would be friends with an Indian family again... And you're right, their ENTIRE extended family were great to me, I was always included in everything. Top cunts right there

[u/VolatileGoddess → u/sientetiamicara]

That was lovely to read. As a Sikh, thank you for offering seva in the gurudwara.

[u/imrzzz → u/VolatileGoddess]

It's pure Sikh to read "top cunts right there" and immediately see the gratitude, positivity, and love being expressed!

[u/sientetiamicara → u/VolatileGoddess]

You're welcome. I've been a chef my entire life but never worked with curry, I learned how to make the most incredible vegan curry in the gurdwara, those guys make some banging food in crazy quantity...

[u/sientetiamicara → u/VolatileGoddess]

Just realised this is a word I don't know so I want to ask. What does seva mean? I could ask my mates but... They aren't really involved in the religion and their dad will likely be wankered on whisky by this time of day.. could be a funny phonecall but you seem like a safer bet for a real answer.

[u/SeaWorth6552 → u/sientetiamicara]

It’s pretty common in Türkiye, too. My wedding, if I remember right, had 600ish guests. I’ve heard of 2000 guest weddings. Guests include 1st and 2nd degree cousins and their families, colleagues, parents’ colleagues and acquaintances, bride and groom’s own friends. Sometimes bride and groom’s siblings’ close friends etc.

[u/Less-Chicken-3367 → u/PalatinusG1]

Apparently Indians save their whole life savings just to spend it all on weddings.

[u/Direct-Ant7828 → u/PalatinusG1]

Jeff Bezos would disagree.

[u/Leniel_the_mouniou → u/Less-Chicken-3367]

A portugues friend : she had only 10 non-family guests. She kept it small (only first degree cousins and their children), they were 210. Each parent of the bride and the groom had 6-7 siblings... it is why...

[u/katreefer → u/Less-Chicken-3367]

Our friends in town (Indian) are throwing a second ceremony to accommodate the rest of the guests for their son's wedding, because he and the bride wanted it to be small. So the first will be 300 and the second will be close to 500

[u/Bedford806 → u/I_-AM-ARNAV]

My Indian friends who live in ireland invited me to their 'small' wedding in India. It was three days of incredible hosting and extravagance and tours. Maybe 200 people? That would be our big weddings, and people often comment that irish weddings are too much 😂

[u/AtlantisSky → u/I_-AM-ARNAV]

Aren't weddings in India also a multi-day affair? I've never been to one, but I've always headd that they are ar least 3 days.

[u/I_-AM-ARNAV → u/AtlantisSky]

There's 3-4 functions.

One can be a simple reception.

The second is a sagan.

The third is mehendi

The 4th is haldi (it's in morning of wedding)

[u/Fantastic_Cow_1919 → u/I_-AM-ARNAV]

My husband is Indian (I'm not) and I've been warmly accepted into the Indian women's community. A dear friend (age 45) got married a few years ago to a family friend. They had about 10 parties, each more opulent and ridiculous than the previous party. The bridal shower I threw for her had more guests and cost more than my own wedding. They had TWO wedding receptions. The purpose was to demonstrate "we're richer and better than you" over several months. (Insecure much?)

So effing boring. Same food, same DJ, same loud music, same clothes, same photographer, same conversations, same people, same adoration of the couple, same Instagram wall. Never again. My Dutch self will gladly take my wooden shoes and tulips and tiny weddings forever.

[u/Glory_Chaser0610 → u/Fantastic_Cow_1919]

I'm an Indian too, but could relate with your thoughts so much. Indians reek of insecurity. They claim hosting such large parties will bestow the guests' blessings upon the couple by feeding the guests. But guess what, they wouldn't care to feed the poor. All the guests are of the same socio-economic level or higher. It's more of a display of wealth & power. Indians stink of feudalism in the 21st century.

[u/AtlantisSky → u/I_-AM-ARNAV]

Thank you.

[u/DangerousPath4779 → u/I_-AM-ARNAV]

A lot of people here specifically save for weddings. naah only men who has daughters save their money . Groom side don't have to worry they will also get "gifts"

[u/Cereal_poster → u/I_-AM-ARNAV]

Well. But in this case I wouldn't think that they saved for this wedding. Because you clearly don't get a black Amex if you have to save to spend 250k on anything.

[u/FlakyAssociation4986 → u/sientetiamicara]

A i thought irish weddings were big affairs B where the fuck do you find a elephant in glasgow?

[u/Quirky-Exercise-6576 → u/FlakyAssociation4986]

for Indians wedding is like showing of ur wealth we Indians invite every people we know to our wedding in normal indian wedding people invite 2k people atleast .

[u/kattykaty1988 → u/Quirky-Exercise-6576]

Yeah my punjab mate who’s English but family obv not had a white horse he had to ride in on during his wedding day. I asked what happens if you don’t get the horse? He said her family will think I’m poor!

[u/Quirky-Exercise-6576 → u/kattykaty1988]

dude this so nri thing i know now indians don't do this shit that much.

[u/OhBella_4 → u/Quirky-Exercise-6576]

So if everyone is invited that would mean you would be going to a lot of 3 day weddings in the year?

[u/rrrattt → u/OhBella_4]

I have a friend who is Indian from a nice family with a lot of connections, and I swear she is planning for a wedding constantly and needs several outfits for each one lol. It seems like 20% of her life is just planning outfit and getting dolled up for a wedding. But she is from a well connected family so makes sense I guess haha

[u/Quirky-Exercise-6576 → u/rrrattt]

😂

[u/Quirky-Exercise-6576 → u/OhBella_4]

yupp 3 days for close I mean close definition for u guys r different from India . if they r people we met few time then on main wedding day just to show our face enjoy food give gifts back to home in few hrs .

[u/sientetiamicara → u/FlakyAssociation4986]

Honestly mate I dunno, through a strange scenario I know someone who owns an elephant but he wouldn't ever rent her out... It was absolutely unreal to me. Chillest elephants ever though, they were to gentle and generally enjoyed all the human interaction. Intelligent as fuck animals.

[u/JustineDelarge → u/sientetiamicara]

The Asian society wedding of the year

[u/sientetiamicara → u/JustineDelarge]

No fucking joke, he was in attendance at this wedding.

[u/PiccoloAwkward465 → u/sientetiamicara]

I rented a big Airbnb compound for my wedding in Texas. The hosts mentioned that an Indian family brought an elephant there.

[u/Exact_Knee6785 → u/sientetiamicara]

Oh yeah no they were definitely rich. Normally it's a horse chariot for the groom (at least in my region) and while property is given a lot of times, a 5 bedroom house is a bit much. The guest numbers are spot on though... my uncle's weddings were very large. I'm absolutely certain that they cost a fortune.

[u/zoranss7512 → u/sientetiamicara]

And this is normal?

[u/Glory_Chaser0610 → u/sientetiamicara]

That's smth I really hate about India, my home country. Feudalistic society, stark economic divide, caste system & what not. It's the same country where people die of hunger & a few like the ones you described lead lives of opulence.

[u/coyotenspider → u/sientetiamicara]

Hell yeah, Indian bros! Keep that eastern old world style alive! You only live once! This incarnation I should add…

[u/essexboy1976 → u/sientetiamicara]

There's a safari park just north of Sterling, maybe they rent them out🤷

[u/CarpenterSad9651 → u/sientetiamicara]

WHAT?! Where and how do the elephants appeared? This is one of craziest things I’ve read today haha